Desperate mum, needing urgent advice

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Woofie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:50 pm

Desperate mum, needing urgent advice

Post by Woofie » Tue Jun 30, 2020 11:05 pm

Hi there,

I have no idea where else to go for advice, everyone just gives me their emotional opinions but I need more advice from someone who knows.

A couple of weeks ago I was working a night shift, when I go home I noticed a really really faint bruise to my daughters cheek. I phoned my boyfriend and he said he slapped her in the heat of the moment as she wasn’t settling, and that he instantly felt bad. He also told me he is suffering with his mental health and has since been referred for CBT. I obviously kicked him out and broke up with him straight away and then proceeded to take my little girl to a&e.

She had all her scans everything came back clear, apart from her skeletal scan where they found a potential red herring. They weren’t sure if she had growth plates fractures or if it was just the way her bones were developing. She has another scan to confirm what they are. She didn’t in any pain and she is very very strong.

Social services and police are obviously involved.

My issue is I am so so torn.

I am obviously furious with my ex, and extremely protective of her.

But I also do still love him and I can’t just switch that off, we have been through a lot. I don’t know if I’m being manipulated. He has always been an incredible dad to her.

If the scan comes back clear what are social services likely to do? Will be prevent him from seeing my little girl? And will they never be supportive of us being a family again?

I know it sounds mad but I need to know because obviously my little girl is my priority, but I don’t want to get my hopes up for my family being back together if there is no chance of that ever happening.

Police have told me in an informal way that my ex and I can’t have contact until she has her second scan. He keeps texting me telling me how sorry he is and how he wants to fix what he has done. I have stupidly replied. Will they take my little girl away from me because of this?

The social services have said that they will keep me in the loop but at the moment I don’t know what’s going on at all? I’m terrified I’ll have my little girl taken away from me. I’ve always done everything I can for her, I would never put her in harms way. I took her to the hospital knowing that social services would be contacted. I’ve done everything that they’ve asked of me.

I’m honestly at a loss, my little girl is my entire world, 3 weeks ago we were planning on buying a house and I would never have imagined I’d be in this position.

To clarify, my baby comes first. I just need clarification I think. A bit like wake up call. I just want to protect my baby and for her to stay with me. And if that means neither of us will ever see or speak to my ex again then that’s how it has to be. But I need to know so I can properly deal with this situation.

I am doing everything I can to protect my little girl. I don’t want to do anything wrong or anything that will put her at risk or at risk of being taken away.

Thanks for any advice

Woofie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:50 pm

Re: Desperate mum, needing urgent advice

Post by Woofie » Wed Jul 01, 2020 6:08 pm

Edit:

Repeat skeletal scan was done today, everything came back fine, no fractures or other injuries.

SW is currently on annual leave

Woofie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:50 pm

Re: Desperate mum, needing urgent advice

Post by Woofie » Tue Jul 07, 2020 2:31 pm

Any advice???

Police don’t seem to want to press charges, what’s the likelihood of us being able to be a family again?

DB182
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:37 pm

Re: Desperate mum, needing urgent advice

Post by DB182 » Wed Jul 08, 2020 7:11 am

Hi woofie I cant really offer any advice in the ways some on here will but from someone looking in on the situation I'd stay well away from him. As much as you love him you have to do right by your daughter shes the innocent one in all this. Hes admitted to slapping her in the face in the heat of the moment for not settling. Shes defenceless she cant stand up for herself ask yourself this question how will you ever trust him with her now after that. I'm sure that's what social services will be thinking. Next time it could be worse than a slap. I'm not saying it will but that how they think to. You asked if they would take your little girl away. If your not with him then no and work with them to protect her. If they say you cant be with him and you do get back with him then the answer will be yeh they will go to court if they have to. I hope everything turns out ok for you. Keep us updated x

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Desperate mum, needing urgent advice

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jul 15, 2020 2:51 pm

Dear Woofie

Thank you for your post. I will respond to you here but as a parent it is better for you to post on the parents’ discussion board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see that you are having a difficult time at the moment after your partner slapped your daughter and you took steps to ensure her safety by ending the relationship and seeking medical attention.

You did absolutely the right things as a mother making your daughter a priority. I am sorry that following a skeletal scan there are concerns about possible fracture and whether these are growth plate fractures or otherwise. They will carry out further scans will be carried out to find out the cause.

Your immediate question is what is likely to happen if further scan is clear. You want to ensurIf e your daughter’s safety but you would also like to be a family with your partner again.

The police and children’s services are carrying out their own investigations and it appears that there are conditions in place preventing contact with your partner. You have not said whether children’s services has told you what assessment is being carried out. What happens next would be very dependent on the outcome of the police investigation and the concerns that children’s services have about your daughter being kept safe. Has your partner had previous involvement with children's services regarding harm to a child?

To help you understand the process when children’s services receives a referral you might find it helpful to read this An introductory guide to Children’s Services

It may be that children’s services are considering child protection enquiries and, if this is the case you may find it helpful to read our advice sheet Child protection procedures

The primary concern for children’s services will be ensuring that your daughter is not placed at risk of harm. Your partner has already admitted to hurting her so he is likely to be seen as a risk and you can discuss with the social worker the possibility of a risk assessment to find out the level of risk and what work both you and your partner could do to ensure an incident of this kind does not happen again. Alternatively, children services may take the view that he is too high a risk and suggest that you do not reconcile.

Children’s services want to be sure that you are able to protect your daughter and put her needs first. It is of course an emotional time for you as you want to keep your daughter save but also value the relationship with your partner.

In your post you mention your partner’s mental health and that he is now engaging with CBT. Is it the case that you believe it was because of deterioration in his mental health? If there was an issue why did he not tell you about it rather than you having to ask him after finding a bruise on your daughter? Children’s services are likely to be concerned whether this has happened before.

From your later posts it the further scan of your daughter show no fractures which is really good news for you and your daughter. Children’s services will still be concerned about what happened and even if the police decide to take no further action, they will still want to work with you to ensure your daughter is not placed at risk.

The advice above relating to working with children’s services is still important. You can discuss with the social worker what would need to happen, that is, what courses or work would you and your partner need to do to satisfy them that your daughter would be safe with you both. You would both need to be prepared to work proactively with children’s services.

As you will see from the advice sheet about the procedures children’s services follow when a referral is received they should work with you in an open and transparent way. You should be told what assessment to done and the action they intend to take and what is expected of you. Whilst the police investigation is ongoing they may not want to share information that might affect this or want to wait on the outcome of that investigation to decide how they will proceed.

I hope this is helpful. However, should you wish to speak to an adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 930am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie

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