feeling lost and Confused

Nanny G
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2014 1:47 pm

Re: feeling lost and Confused

Postby Nanny G » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:42 pm

Hi Irene,
well, i have drafted my reply. With your adivce i have taken on the stance of i feel we have been misunderstood, and also saying that i misunderstood her reasons for visiting, hence i wasn't very forthcoming, which is true, but i do actually feel she should have been clearer about it. I seem a bit naive about Sw's i think!

i am trying not to 'lay blame' on cs for our negative reports, as, as much as it frustrates me, i can understand they need to be careful, but do think they have over reacted. Its managing to convince them that we really do mean what we say, as that seems to be the problem.

She said we both spoke with warmth, love and affection about my Grandaugther, but she wasn't convinced my partner could actually carry it out given his own admissions of difficulties in that area due to the aspergers. Anyone who knows him, knows he can, despite the difficulties he has with emotions, he can care for a child.

She was also concerned, that even though we said we would stick to contact agreements, that we didn't really understand or intend to... again we do, but not sure what will convince her of this!

Thanks for your advice, much appreciated

Nanny G

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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: feeling lost and Confused

Postby ied53 » Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:57 am

All you can do is try to put the case over. Where you need to resolute do so. eg We will adhere to any restrictions and guidance afforded us in regard to contact arrangements with both parents. where you can afford to be more generous use we will take all guidance into consideration when making decisions. if asked about support. have a plan ready eg good friends. experts Health visitor, school nurse of child old enough for school or Nursery key worker. Always say you will gain advice and support. Indicate you have joined support groups. Toddler groups etc.
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

Nanny G
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2014 1:47 pm

Re: feeling lost and Confused

Postby Nanny G » Sun Jan 31, 2016 2:20 pm

Hello Irene,
Thank you for your reply. Well the statement has been put through and it was all back in court on Friday, really not sure what is happening next. where we have been turned down twice to be assesd for SGO we have now been trying to go through a solicitor who put in an application for legal aid for us which it appears wasn't looked at properly or by the right person and was turned down basically saying we were unlikely to win and so therefore it wasn't worth them spending money on. Apparently this quite often happens, but our Solicitor feels in our case that we should have been awarded and so has put in an appeal for us. Meantime we have had to put an application into the court ourselves asking them if we could be assesed for sgo and pay for it.

Mum was in court not only for My Granddaughter but for her new born baby as well. As our application has only just gone in we were not accepted as parties so I couldn’t go into the court room with them. Apparently Mum was asked if she thought that if The Child were returned to her care along with the baby would she be able to cope with both, to which, after a long pause, she said no, she couldn’t.

My Son's’s Solicitor did ask for more time in order that My Son could prove himself to be able to improve but the Judge didn’t allow it.

SS did bring up at court apparently when My Son was arrested on suspicion of sexual assault to Mum, the case where he was on bail for 3 months and released without charge due to lack of evidence, but their argument apparently was 'he might do it to The Child'. However that isnt allowed to be included in the final evidence due to too much paper work and only a set amount being allowed so all parties have to cut down.
This also means the first assessment and addendum done on us will not be included, only the most recent addendum assessment, and also the (positive) contact notes for My Son too.

So it seems now that it is quite likely My Granddaughter go for adoption unless My Son’s solicitor can put forward a very good case for him or we can get approved for SGO.

The next and final hearing is 29th February, and is expected to last 5 days.

I will continue my fight to be assessed but have no idea how long that will take to get the legal Aid appeal or if I will have to represent myself or what will happen on that one.

My Son over heard talking and it seems Mum is to live with baby's paternal Grandmother with Baby for any assistance she may need.

Obviously I have to wait and see what response my application gets, and if it is agreed to, but other than that I am at a loss what to do next – is there anything else I can do? I cant believe this might be it, there must be something else I can do?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: feeling lost and Confused

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Feb 03, 2016 12:54 pm

Dear Nanny G

I am so sorry that you still feel lost and confused over the whole court process and the assessments that have been carried out.

You say had you known it was an assessment you would have responded differently. Unfortunately, when dealing with children services it is best to open and forthcoming from the outset because if they believe you only give information when you think it will help you this can count as you not being open with them.

From what you have said in your post, it seems that there have been two assessments of you and your partner and both have been negative. As you have said you were not aware and the person visiting you was actually carrying out an assessment this might be a point for your solicitor to raise with the court. Also, it could possibly be argued on your behalf that the assessment should be done by an independent social worker as both social workers from children services had made up their minds about you and your partner.

Whether your solicitor will be able to put a convincing case to the judge on your behalf will depend on whether you are granted legal aid and party status in the proceedings. Are there no other family members who would be willing to care for your granddaughter in order that she can remain in the family? Adoption should be the last resort for a child but if no family member is considered suitable as long term carers, it is possible that the court might grant the orders that children services is seeking.

You could contact your local MP, or make a formal complaint to children services about their decision to rule you and your partner out as carers. However, I would suggest that you discuss it with your solicitor before doing so. Your solicitor or your son’s solicitor has all the evidence relating to the case and is best place to give advice about making a complaint at this stage.

It must be devastating for you to have to consider the possibility of your grandchild being adopted.

I hope that your solicitor will be able to secure legal aid funding for you and the court will grant you party status in the proceedings. That would at least give you the opportunity to be involved in the proceedings and the judge might then see how sincere you are in wishing to look after your grandchild.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes


Nanny G
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2014 1:47 pm

Re: feeling lost and Confused

Postby Nanny G » Wed Feb 03, 2016 6:40 pm

Thank you Suzie,
I know they have to be careful, and understand they need to be absolutely sure before placing a child, but the reasons for refusing us are actually quite petty. My partner has aspergers, he tends to be quite straight, up front and not mince his words. He isn't rude, but can be a little blunt at times. Because of this they dont think we could care for a child. The fact that we have had cared for 4 between us doenst seem to count. When the CAFCASS guardian came to visit, she was discussing our lifestyle and how we lived (as two childess adults) and said they had to decide if we would be able to change our routine to fit a child and was asking what we did form day to day. My partner told her he was pretty much old man pipe and slippers as thats what worked for us as we are now. He said that as we are now, a child would not fit in, and obviously we both agreed we would have to change and explained how and what we would do - but her report is that she doesn't think he could change his routine.
They keep bringing up, time and time again, the fact on the very first assessment our house was cluttered and too cluttered for a child. We have explained, over and over again, that we lived like it as we didnt have children, if we did it would change. I sorted the house out, made it 'SW friendly' to give them an example of how it could look for a child, and every visit since it has been like it for them - but still they keep on about it! Still think that because they came round to see us with less than 24 hours notice, and saw our house cluttered it will always be like that.
I have explained how, as we were two single, childless adults, we spent most of the summer last year in the garden sorting the garden out, and changing it form a dumping ground to a nice area to be in. However, they cannot imagine how we could possibly not do that if we had a child...
When the second SW rang to make an appointment, i asked her to be on time, as the previous SW was anything form 20 mins to over an hour late with no explanation, then criticised us for having a few plates on the kitchen side where we had eaten while waiting for him.
That caused a storm too, as if we were that time focused then we couldn't cope with a child in the house.

I am also thinking that when she came to see us, maybe it was just for a chat, but when she went back and told her bosses they asked her to write a report on what she found in us. I am not very good at talking to people face to face, i tend to focus on why they are here (or said they were here in this case) and as it was to talk to us, and explain the SGO process to us, i didnt feel the need to waste my breath 'selling' myself to her. I understand they dont want us saying what we think they want to hear, but i dont like being lied to.

They seem to be almost deliberately misinterpreting everything we say and on that basis we are asking for an independent assessment as the CS seem to just be going round in circles

As for the application, i put it in drop box at the court on Friday which is emptied at 4pm. I was told they would ring for payment, possibly Friday night, or Saturday morning , if not on Monday. I rang on Monday to enquire about payment, not having heard anything to be told by the person on the phone my application had not been filed in right, so was being returned. Saying i had to give notice to the LA at least 3 months prior to my application and had to apply for parental responsibility with the application. So i spoke to the solicitor, who said it was right, she did know what she was doing (she filled it in for me) and to ring back, tell the court it was right and get the persons name. Which i did, and after a heated discussion of her insistent she was right, and i insistent that a Solicitor would be more likely to be right, she checked with someone else who told her my application was right, and should not be being returned to me... so i have had to print it all out again and send it back to the court. I have still not heard back form them the letter she said was on its way to tel me i had done it wrong!

Hopefully we will be able to do something before the final hearing at the end of this month, but if people dont stop messing around it may not get to happen!

Unfortunately we are the only hope in the family. Mums family have either backed out or refused to be assessed in the case of mums father, who said he thought it was outrageous that fosterer's got paid, but he wouldn't if he had the child so no, he wasn't interested, he couldn't afford it.
My family, i have a dysfunctional brother in France, his daughter and husband have their own baby and niece is about to return to work, also in France so not interested in a second child. My sister in law, on my partners side said she has enough to contend with, with her two little ones and hubby so she cant.

The option of complaining to the MP is always a possibility, i will see what happens in the next week over our application, but will mention that to my Solicitor.

Thanks for your advice,

Nanny G

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