New user - case conference

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ied53
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Re: New user - case conference

Postby ied53 » Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:20 am

Vitual hug to you as well. This is almost identical to what all families in this situation go through even without your daughters special needs !! I would be livid at the way the baby was refused to be fed by your daughter. The book that travels with him is standard and I do hope your daughter made entries. What he ate how he was when changed etc. Also that she was told not to feed him the second time. I would think the advocate an excellent idea as there should be no confusion then especially as the soc worker obviously has no skills for dealing with special needs. I would question why the infant needs to be on 2hrly feeds? Has there been a health issue? Mum is entitled to know and should be kept appraised. You are both in for a long hard journey here I am glad you have your destressors your daughter is going to have to draw on hers too.
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

sasha
Posts: 45
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:11 am

Re: New user - case conference

Postby sasha » Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:19 am

Hello Irene,
If this is what other families are having to go through with SW's then there ought to be something or someone we could report this behaviour to? The two we are having to deal with must think they are god. The way they speak to my daughter you'd think she was something you'd stepped in! It is disgraceful.

My daughter does use the book but I will give her some more tips on Tuesday when I go again and it will be interesting to see what the FC has replied to my entry from last Tuesday.

There has been no consistence with the contact worker(s) involved and now one lady has volunteered to be the one involved, following my daughter raising the valid point and to be fair, the lady who has volunteered is really nice (genuine).

There has also been duplication/error in communication regarding where my GS should be registered with a GP so that's something else to sort out. I dare say the SW are very busy but if the left hand spoke to the right hand, they'd have a better system in place.

We are not sure why the 2hrly feeds but my GS was discharged with a question mark over heart murmur which is to be checked in Oct, but I don't see how that would affect his feeding.
His weight is increasing really nicely but at 3 weeks old his feeds should be less frequent in my opinion.The FC repeatedly comments in the book "It's in xxxxx best interest" & "I only want what's best for xxxxx". Pretty standard comment and patronising, I think.

I like your signature line moto Irene. Tough people do last longer than tough times and when your genes are from Lincolnshire, we must all stick together, lol. I have traced my family ancestors and my paternal relatives come from Grimsby/Louth.

Appreciate your support
Virtual hugs to all.

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ied53
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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: New user - case conference

Postby ied53 » Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:56 pm

You GS will register for a GP with his fosters. yes we all go through what your daughter is going through and even the kinship carers seem to forget we are the cavalry !!! Can't claim the genes we are "incomers" to Lincolnshire last posting and time for roots.. when we went through it I could have cried at the slightest thing this site and good friends got me through. Looking back I can see and understand everything the sw did it was the approach that hurt. Thats why I tune in here been there and survived lol we have been carers for 7 yrs now
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

sasha
Posts: 45
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:11 am

Re: New user - case conference

Postby sasha » Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:34 pm

I pick up on your point where you said "looking back I can see and understand everything the SW did, it was the approach that hurt". These bloomin SW's have been on holiday 3 weeks out of 4, her boss never available, and her boss on holiday!!!
I know they have their entitlement and if my GS wasn't in the mix it wouldn't bother me. However, last week 4 days out of 5 my GS has been screaming for more food and the last notes by the SW were that her was NOT to be fed more than two and half ounces, every two and half hours and no one will go against that. The HV said he was to be fed on demand but the FC won't do that, infactically refuses. This is a a baby for goodness sake not a gotchy toy from Toy's R Us..........

I have made my GS' guardian aware of the lack of communication going on in this case and the unavailability of SW's when they're needed and we are to have a meeting next week.

Today sparked a new problem when they have changed the times of contact for my daughter without advising her of the new times, so has missed out on some of her contact time today.

My daughter has the first of her Psychiatric assessments in a couple of weeks but has to travel to Gloucester to their surgery by train, yet at the first court hearing I remember my daughter's solicitor saying clearly that they would be visiting her here (locally) so as not to mess with her contact time. It's clear to me that someone, somewhere is doing what they can to frustrate and set up my daughter to fail these assessments and I do not know who I/we can report this to so that we can ensure things are managed more professionally, and that my GS is treated and cared for properly? Any idea's folks?

Appreciate your support
Sasha

sasha
Posts: 45
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:11 am

Re: New user - case conference

Postby sasha » Wed Sep 19, 2012 12:53 am

Things have moved along since my last post.
I have telephoned the FRG helpline and had a chat with a lovely lady. I found her patient, helpful and understanding. Our chat helped me greatly on a difficult day. THANK YOU.
Last week the SW finally returned from annual leave and attended a contact visit on Tuesday which is my contact day, along with the HV as there were growing concerns for my GS and the signs of his continued hunger. (He had been displaying clear hunger signs for 4 days and we were unable to get in contact with HV,SW or either of their bosses due to one reason or another which quite frankly I find unacceptable) It was agreed that his feeds could be increased to 4ounces with a provision that a minimum of 2 hours must have elapsed between feeds. However, by Friday, it soon became apparent that that amount would not be satisfying enough but as before, was advised not to increase until a further assessment had been carried out by the HV.
Wednesday, the SW once again dropped into the contact visit to advise my daughter that the FC wants to go on 2 holidays and take my GS with them (involves 2 long week-ends). Now, I have no desire to prevent any FC from having a holiday but due to a lack of communication and a lack of understanding how these things work, we have been told today that they will be permitted to take him and that whatever my daughter wants to happen doesn't matter.
The Child Protection Plan is no longer needed and has been removed today as the local authority have an interim court order sharing PR.
We have managed to iron a few things out at that meeting today some good, some not so good but it has cleared the air, in order for us to move forward.
It has been agreed that a food diary is put in place for the FC and my daughter to complete so that we can see just what my GS is managing alongside his growth chart, which I think is a really good idea. That has commenced today.
Now for the really good news - I have today been given a copy of my daughters medical records from the solicitor to read in preparation for her Psychiatric Assessment next week and I have come across several letters from professionals treating my daughter for ADHD which have mentioned the all too important word that I suspected 'ASPERGER'S SYNDROME', but nothing has ever been followed up with it. I can see my self in the clinic appointment discussing my daughter's behaviour and if only they had persisted at asking the right questions things may have had a different outcome.
My daughter's Psychiatric Assessment takes place next week whilst I am away on holiday but, I intend drafting up an accurate timeline of events for her to take along so that the Consultant will have an insight as to the difficulties we encountered during her childhood. (Serious car crash for one).
This evening, I do feel more positive about the possible outcome of these proceedings albeit, I am not getting my hopes up either. I do think my daughter stands a far better chance now the right paperwork has been found which I believe is crucial to the case.
And, my GS? He's doing just great :)
Thank you all, for reading, supporting and advising. It has helped me immensely.
Regards and virtual hug
Sasha

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David Roth
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Re: New user - case conference

Postby David Roth » Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:45 am

Hi Sasha

Thanks for coming back to update us on what is happening. It sounds as if the news is a bit more hopeful, even if things are moving very slowly.

Is your daughter going to miss out on any of her contacts as a result of the foster carers going on holiday? If so, then it would be reasonable to ask for the missed contacts to be made up another time.

It is really good for your daughter that she has you fighting her corner and advocating for her. Whatever the outcome of the case, you'll know that you couldn't have done any more than you're already doing for her and the baby.
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

sasha
Posts: 45
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:11 am

Re: New user - case conference

Postby sasha » Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:35 pm

Hi David,
The point has been raised in regards to the loss of contact time but because the standard minimum contact is 3 days per week and my daughter currently gets 5 days per week they see that they have been generous already and will not make the time up later.

I have made a referral to our local Advocacy service because I am feeling the effects of the stress of this situation on my own health and need to address some of my own issues, but will still be on board supporting her along the route for the forth coming months naturally.

Sasha

sasha
Posts: 45
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:11 am

Re: New user - case conference

Postby sasha » Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:31 pm

Hello all,
I thought I would update to where we are at present.
The referral to the local Advocacy service is currently with the manager with case notes and we await their decision as to whether they are able to provide a service - hope to heasr before end of this week.
My daughter has attended the assessment with the Psychiatrist and we await his report no later than 2 weeks.
Based on a conversation with SW's in Adult disability services, my daughter approached her GP with a view for a referral to a speech therapist/coach. The GP was very helpful but the response from the therapist is that because the courts have instructed the Psychiatrist to draft a report, the local services will not get involved and therefore, no immediate support is being provided to my daughter in the interim. Feels like I am banging head against huge brick wall........
Due to lack of information being provided by FC (in respect to GS routine/feeds etc) HV suggested a feed diary be implemented a couple of weeks ago. However, the attitude from the FC when asked to completed this on a daily basis was "if I can"............When FC asked to clip GS nails as he was causing injury to himself was also "if I can"..........I knew some one maybe saying "if your GS is well and coming to no harm, then leave well alone" but quite honestly, this is disgusting. It has been reported to the HV and written evidence produced for her to follow up.
Shortly after my last post the new SW was appointed to the case and my daughter and I had a meeting with her to discuss issues of concern and to clear the air so we could start a new relationship pattern. Although we haven't heard back anything directly from the SW, we do know that she is working on issues we have raised, and things 'appear' to be getting sorted. We have another meeting with her next week for feedback on those issues.
Approximately two weeks ago my daughter had a small meltdown following the removal of her full benefits because the local authority had queried whether my daughter had claimed CB. I knew for a fact that she hadn't because I was with her when she asked a senior SW what the situation was in respect to that, so I know she wouldn't have claimed anything she wasn't entitled to but that didn't stop the benefits agency suspending her benefits for two weeks while they investigated it with the Inland Revenue.
Quite frankly, it is a disgusting system we have in place and the government should be ashamed of themselves - official complaint in progress.
My health - I had a heart scan last month and still await the results - symptoms continue but I suspect this is more stress related than anything else but time will tell.
My GS - I continue with my visitation rights on a weekly basis and try to put the stress aside while I enjoy my time with him. He's growing in accordance with the HV charts etc and I continue to look forward to his coming home one day.
I am slightly reserved pending the outcome of the Psychiatric report next month because I do not know how this matter will conclude.If my GS is not reunited with his mother I know this will have huge implicsations on my daughters' mental health and quite honestly, I don't know if I am strong enough to see her through that. I have to try and stay positive because I have no power to change the outcome!

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David Roth
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Re: New user - case conference

Postby David Roth » Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:13 am

Hi Sasha, thanks for coming back to update us on your situation.

I do feel quite concerned about the attitude of the foster carer, as you have reported it. She may have felt that she needed to get the social worker's permission before clipping your grandson's nails because he is a 'looked after' child, but if this is the reason she didn't want to agree to cutting them then she should have explained it to you. And she should certainly have agreed to keep a daily feed diary, particularly if the health visitor asked her to do so, as this was presumably done with the intention of monitoring your grandson's eating patterns so you and your daughter would be able to fit in with them, and therefore it is a request that is linked to your grandson's health and wellbeing.

Foster carers are supposed to work in partnership with the families of the children they are raising, and they are supposed to ensure the children's health needs are met. If this carer is not doing these things, then the social worker who supports her (her linkworker) should be told, so that it can be raised with her. You may have met the linkworker at some of the meetings you attend, but if you're not sure who it is you could communicate with the manager of the fostering team directly. It is to be hoped that the fostering team would want to take up the issue of a foster carer not doing her job properly.

Other than that, it does sound as if you are facing a lot of difficulties, but you are taking steps to manage them. I hope this is not having too much of an impact on your own health - it could be important to make sure there is some space in your weekly routines for you to unwind or talk things through with someone understanding - I know this may be easier said than done in the current circumstances, but these things can help.
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

sasha
Posts: 45
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:11 am

Re: New user - case conference

Postby sasha » Wed Oct 24, 2012 8:37 pm

Good evening David,
Thank you for dropping in on my thread.
I have spoken with my daughter today for clarity on the feed diary request made by the HV. Apparently, the FC completes paperwork for her link worker which includes my GS feeding pattern but it appears that the FC isn't happy as she feels this is duplicating the information. However, as I have explained to my daughter, she wouldn't be privvy to the link workers notes and therefore, the FC will have to duplicate the information. The Linkworker hasn't been present at any of the meetings to date but my daughter and I are due to meet with our SW for a follow up meeting next week so this will be raised at that appointment.

I do try to make time for myself and have recently started attending a counselling session on a 1-1 basis which I am due to attend tomorrow. It is early days in this respect but I found the first appointment help to lift a weight off my shoulders, just by being able to tell someone felt better. I also have appointments for Aromatherapy/reflexology at regular intervals so I am mindfull that I need some 'me time' along the way and I do feel it helps.

Another upward battle appears to be my daughters solicitor who feels that I am too emotionally involved and that although my daughter has given written consent for her to contact me in the first instance with any news, so that I could explain how best for the solicitor to handle/approach my daughter with the information, the solicitor will not adhere to my daughters request. Far be it for me to rock the boat but the solicitor isn't available all hours of the day and night when my daughter is inconsolable about the situation and turns to me in utter frustration about things that are out of her control. I hope the Advocacy service will pick up that point and run with that first, sothat she will be able to utilise the 'traffic lights' system which is implemented by the Autism Society as part of a communication process for people with AS/ADHD.

I know the contact centre is closed over Christmas (bank holidays) and I would appreciate opinions please of how to handle this period because my daughter finds it extremely difficult, because recently the FC was allowed to take my GS on a mini break and the contact time is not made up.

I hope to feel much better tomorrow after the counselling session and a new hairsyle.

Thank you for your supporting message David.
Regards
Sasha


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