I need advice please

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: I need advice please

Post by Kate » Fri Feb 25, 2011 2:49 pm

NanaJ is right, Caz, what you have done and are doing is monumental. There's no doubt it is having an effect, I just hope SS sees it all through now. They clearly do know how bad things are with your daughter - it says it all that they won't go round but get the police to go - and please God now those children won't have to wait much longer to be safe. Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep talking about it here when you feel like crumbling or screaming. YOu are doing a brilliant job. Prayers for the protection of those children - Winni always used to pray to St Michael, I will do the same.

special4ngel
Posts: 50
Joined: Fri Dec 23, 2005 10:31 am

Re: I need advice please

Post by special4ngel » Fri Feb 25, 2011 5:46 pm

Thank you all for your support and for being here when I scream. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this site to calm me down and make me see things in a clearer light so that I can calmly approach those I would like to give a taste of their own medicine too, would they like to live not knowing what was going to happen next, where their next meal was coming from or if they are going to have a mum in the morning because I know I couldn't! and I won't sit back and do nothing like they are.......i'm rambling on again.......I will go now and give my gd a big hug and tell her that together we will get through this with everyones help. thank you all again x

caz
caz

Angeleyes
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Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2010 7:26 pm

Re: I need advice please

Post by Angeleyes » Fri Feb 25, 2011 8:45 pm

Well done you for keeping at them, I have been through similar to what you are going through now, like everyone has said you have done everything you can to protect your grandchildren, if the legal team are involved then hopefully the children will be removed sooner rather than later. I wish you strength and hope for the coming months for the safety and protection of your grandchildren.

special4ngel
Posts: 50
Joined: Fri Dec 23, 2005 10:31 am

Re: I need advice please

Post by special4ngel » Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:01 am

Update......
I received a call from the SS that are dealing with my grandchildren.
She said who she was and said sorry for calling so early (8am) but she said she felt the need to call to say sorry! she was very nice and listened to everything I said, occasionally asking me to stop so that she could take notes. She agreed with everything I said and told me that it should never have happened. I listened, but as I said to her, prove it!!
Well she has now said I will be invited to every meeting, with them meeting the travelling costs, they will involve me in important decisions that would affect my grandchildren and asked me if there was anything I think they could do. I gave her a very large list!
Good news for now, do I believe them? I don't know, Do I believe that the letters I sent to the MP, head of the Council caring for my grandchildren and the complaints dept made them act, YES 100%.
I don't really care why they acted now, I should have done it 6 years ago!
I am taking a huge step this week end and going to my daughters, a 3 hour drive, Will she let me in, I don't know, I hope so.
Thank you to all that answered my plea for help, the advise about the letters seems to have done the trick and more than that it has helped save my grandchildren. for that advice alone I will be forever grateful.



caz
caz

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Robin D
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Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:58 pm

Re: I need advice please

Post by Robin D » Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:46 pm

Well done you.

Hopefully you will soon get some proper reassurance that the other children are safe. Thanks for posting the update back here. It's good to know how things turn out.

Best wishes ....... Robin

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

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David Roth
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Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2006 10:14 am

Re: I need advice please

Post by David Roth » Thu Mar 03, 2011 3:23 pm

I'm very pleased to hear you got this call, special4angel. Hopefully things will be different from now on.

Several family and friends carers I have spoken to have felt that it just took one worker seeing things differently to make the difference to them and how they were treated by the local authority. Let's hope that this can be the worker who makes a difference for you.

David R
FRG Policy Adviser
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: I need advice please

Post by Kate » Thu Mar 03, 2011 3:26 pm

Seconding what Robin said. I hope you don't have to keep on at this worker but she follows through. WELL DONE CAZ! [:D][:D]

special4ngel
Posts: 50
Joined: Fri Dec 23, 2005 10:31 am

Re: I need advice please

Post by special4ngel » Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:31 am

Good morning all, What can I say... we went to visit my daughter and grandchildren and wow was I surprised!I expected the worse and was in total shock when the front door was opened. I heard a baby giggling, the other children were at the table eating supper and were full of laughter at step dad, who was pulling faces, I was told later that he had told them that he was in trouble because the 'boss' was here to tell him off!
neither my daughter or him were put out that I had arrived early. apart from the fact that they had already eaten and had not saved any for my other GD.
I learnt a lot over the next 2 days.
yes they HAD been on the verge of messing up but were very happy when they told me that they had both taken steps over the last year to get off drugs, in fact they had not had anything for well over 6 weeks and admitted that it was early days and they would always have to be careful but promised me that they were never going down that road again.
It turned out that the neighbour did have a grudge against them because she was losing money from them, they didn't buy from her anymore! so much was talked about, the care of my GC and how they were affected. How the SS had not been very helpful, had not made the promised visits, and even though my daughter had proof of several things they dismissed it all with yet another accusation that made my daughter very angry with them, they in turn translated that into 'my daughter was not co-operating with them' 'she showed no interest in what they had to say' and accusing her of things that to me were unreasonable like she will not socialise with parents outside the school gates, she refused to go to a mothers meeting to meet other mums, (without her children) she has got the 6yr old out of nappies and Dr's are doing tests as they believe she has problems.
my daughter explained that she doesn't care much for the mothers group as she would prefer to spend her time with her own friends and with her children, she said she had a lot of making up to do with them and the best way she thought to do that was to spend time with them and give them the love and attention she had failed to give when she was in her own world.
I left 2 days later after watching how they acted as a family and i was more than happy and felt i could go home with no worries about the GC.. The children were happy and had lots of stories to tell me about what they had been doing over the last few months.
I know it's early days but something tells me to trust my daughter, something about her that I had not seen before, a determination and self belief that tells me that she will keep her promise to me and most of all her children.

When I got home I called her social worker and explained to her what I had seen and what I saw. I think I expected some kind of 'yes, we know things are improving' but no all I got was negative feed back, well, she won't go to mothers club, she won't talk to us, she won't do this, that etc. When I asked how many times they had called on her they couldn't answer, when I asked if they listened to her they said no, she must listen to us, we know our job. she has to be accountable to us! no wonder my daughter doesn't co-operate, I felt totally bemused by their reaction and very angry. I told them that I would be present at the next Core meeting and they informed me that I was not invited! tough i said...I WILL BE THERE. end of conversation.
I am not gullable enough to believe that my daughter is out of the woods and it is going to be a life long battle but I do know that she weaned herself off drugs, she offered to do any drug test at any time to prove this, (ss said that is a ploy) I asked her to call me every week and she has, (3rd week now)
Sometimes I wonder why the SS act like they do, is it just 1 in million chance that there is a bad social worker? I understand that they have to be careful but these children are on the risk register and should get a visit every 2 weeks, that has not happened. My daughter tells me that she wants them to stay on there for a long time . when i asked why she explained to me that she sees it as a safety net, the risk of losing her children depends on how she behaves. an added extra reminder for her to stay clean or lose her children.
A few days after I got home my daughters b/f called me and told me I interfered just in time, that he is proud that he can call me mother in law, that because of my actions I saved everything he loved most in life, my daughter and all the children. he told me he was sorry and could i ever forgive them.
I replied i already had, that all the while they stayed clean, my family were safe and happy I would support them but at the first sign of anything wrong I WOULD be there to take all the children and they would never see them again. I also warned him that I will turn up on the doorstep at anytime to see for myself...and he knows I will.

So as you can see not perfect but well on the way to recovery.
I must add that just in case my daughter should ever read this....Keep going, your doing well and I am proud of the hard work you are putting in to raise my GC in a safe and happy home. I love you all.












caz

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: I need advice please

Post by old bear » Mon Mar 21, 2011 2:34 am

hi special angel,
brilliant news
okay, no one's out of the woods yet, but if you didn't spot any hiccups over two whole days, then they're definitely on the road in the right direction.
typical that ss seem to give a thousand chances to parents who are clearly putting their children at risk, and not apparently prepared to see the progress your daughter's making!
i hope for everyone's sake that your daughter proves them wrong and ss end up with egg on their faces.
i hope you will keep visiting, keep finding good things, and keep posting here to let us know. (we always like to hear good news for a change.)
all my best wishes, to you and yours.
old bear

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