Help

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Scared mam
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:55 pm

Help

Post by Scared mam » Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:04 pm

Hi I need help or advice with social services,

My daughter had told me my partner had put his hands in her pants, I did the right thing and contacted the police, obvs they had to contact social services, my daughter was interviewed and the police man came and told me there had been no assault he asked her 3 times, my partner by sounds of things had cuddled into her when falling asleep and his hand was in top of her pant line, now I’m am not agreeing with this but I know he is not that type of person and would never hurt her or any of us, I saw red and I have always to my children to tell me if anyone does anything to them it’s never a secret you always tell Mam, maybe I have not said enough but either way she must of felt uncomfortable so I know I did the right thing to make sure.
Anyway police have nfa case and now kids are asking if he is allowed home, I don’t know what social workers will do, will they allow him back cause I have read so many things where even if cases are nfa they can still stop the person returning home, I’m so scared I have lost my partner as I will always chose my kids but feel like my life is falling apart, please help

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 638
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Sep 25, 2019 11:19 am

Dear Scared Mam

Welcome to the family and friends carers discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry that we were not able to respond to you sooner. I am also sorry to hear about the difficulties that you and your family are experiencing.

As you are a parent wanting advice, our parents’ discussion board would be better for you. I will answer here today but please post on the parents’ board if you have any further queries.

First of all, I just wanted to confirm that you did act responsibly when your daughter told you what had happened. It sounds as if you have also rightly encouraged your daughter to let you know anything that is worrying her or makes her feel uncomfortable so again that is responsible and protective of you.

The police will always share information with children’s services in this situation so that you and your family can receive the right support and advice whilst police investigate whether or not a crime has been committed.

Although the police are not taking any further action, children’s services are still likely to be involved in doing an assessment of your children’s needs. It is true that police not pursuing a criminal investigation does not mean those children’s services involvement will come to an end – their role is much broader and focuses on the individual needs and welfare of the children and how their parent(s) care for them.

You may find this information on assessments helpful. Also our advice sheets on family support and child protection provide more detail.

It is important that you are fully involved in the assessment and that your social worker keeps you updated during this process. They will want to discuss with you your understanding of the situation, the explanation your partner has provided, your awareness of risk as well as thinking about what needs to happens next. It is a good idea not to play down what worried you in the first place when you responded to what your daughter told you as this prompted you to take action.

Your partner has been living away from the family home as a temporary safety measure but you are wondering if he can return and say that the children are asking this too. This will depend on the outcome of the assessment which will include checks with other agencies too. It is not possible to predict what the outcome of this assessment will be but you should ask the social worker to provide you with feedback throughout.

If children’s services ask you not to allow your partner to return home this would be because they think he may pose a risk of harm to the children. They will look to you to be a protective parent and to put the children first which you have already decided you would do.

When the assessment is completed (within a maximum of 45 working days) go through it carefully, discuss with the social worker and make sure you know what is being recommended and why. You can always seek further advice if you need to.

You might want to have a look at the NSPCC and Parent Protect websites or give their helplines a call as both are there to help parents when there are or have been concerns about situations such as you describe.

I know this is a difficult time for you and you are doing the right thing by working with professionals and getting advice.

As you posted some time ago things may have moved on or been clarified by now but if you need to, do post back on the parents’ forum or call our freephone advice line to talk to an adviser. The number is 0808 8010366 and we are open from 9.30 to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri.

With best wishes

Suzie

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