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Postby xtina » Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:55 am

thank you so much for your time....... replies... and advice...the last thing i want to do is seem i am asking for advice ...but ignoring it or wasting your time

although i can appreciate what is being said ....i still have worries ....

this SW built the whole case on... probabilities .....unsubstantiated anonymous phone calls....always went worst case scenario ...gaining there confidence promising them things ....then using it against them....never once did she give any praise ....just criticism...after criticism ...most of what started it was thrown out in court as not proven

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH I AM NOT SAYING THE PARENTS HAVE NO BLAME IN THIS BECAUSE THEY HAVE ....its just they never got the help they should have had from the previous SW...if she had not left ...i honestly don't think we would be here today

my g c spent four months in care .at five different as far as i am aware S W has no photo's at all.... [one of the placements was with foster/adoptive parents...they were removed immediatley from them when my D...stepped in to foster them I was told constantly by SW there ages made them the time 5 months 28 GD was attacked by another child three times bitten scratched briused .....was told she was doing it herself ....till a bite mark was on her cheek.....i contacted police and she was immedietly removed ...a comlaint was put in about this ...of which we have never heard another thing ...

the children have never ever been harmed in fact older G/C as described by the health worker has a very strong bond with parents...the H W left the case as she was too imootionaly involved with what was happening

it is a trainee who would be doing this book ...who knows non of us daughter and partner at the moment has a supervised visit once a month for one hour.....and the SW took this trainee into the visit asking to take photographs of my G C ..[i hadn't mentioned the book to my D]...she was upset about it and refused the fact my G D gets distressed when she sees SW ....daughters partner was told by S W they were not helping themselves get more contact with children ....

i think i am going on a bit to much ....i am not trying to be disruptive SW its just i feel she is trying to take away the last personal thing i can do for GC a show my G C how much they are loved wanted ...are part of our lives ...and are no different to our other G C they are loved and a normal part of our family...........and not the probabilities of what could have happened if S S hadn't stepped in

SW.......has wrecked all our lives ...............most of all our...Granchildren

sorry to go on .but i am still so devastated ...what has happend ...........or could have happened ...thank god they are back home....

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Postby xtina » Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:03 pm

ied53 wrote:Life story work is for the child not for the record books it is made into a book and given to the child. We are always free to decline but it is part of the sw responsibility to complete the book.
Where did I come from, Who is my family, Why did I come to be here. It needs to be basic information. Not a full album . It is not a record of the abuse. It is a basic who am I. Including both sides of the family .

the thing is though is not basic ....she wanted photo's from birth .[for both of them]..and even asking the hospital for their birth armbands..... parents diary ....[they have been doing one since ...they were put in care]...what she wanted back ...but it was our book asking about children ...and how they were doing ...that is how we knew about how often they had been moved ...five different placements...they have no one on fathers side

sorry posted this first but forgot to pressed preview instead od send

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Postby ied53 » Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:28 pm

It is a choice only you can make love. Personally I would tell them in writing that " Thank you we have started this book and as such would ask you to forward appropriate photo's and information so we can complete a fuller picture. I say in writing to evidence why you are requesting and not declining / refusing to "co-operate" Or I would simply send a photo and decline the other items as personal mementos that you are prepared to put in the book once it is in your possession.
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

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Postby Celle » Sat Apr 09, 2016 12:47 am

I agree with Irene (ied53).

Let SW know that you are doing a book that you intend to give to the grandchildren, and have been doing so for a long time. Supply SW with a minimum number of photos - they do not need personal souvenirs or heaps of photos - and request a deadline date for their return. Say that you will co-operate in the making of SW's book and that you would appreciate their co-operation in making your book. (But don't hold your breath; it probably won't happen.) I still have a feeling that the making of the book is at least partly to give the trainee SW the experience, rather than to benefit the children.

Be careful when making your book that you don't include anything that suggests attributing blame to anyone, because this book is intended to give the children a positive sense of belonging and love. It's a good idea, though, to keep your own, personal diary of events as a record, just in case it is ever needed. It will be a private record that you don't show to either SW or the children.

I know that my daughter has kept a written record of every contact she and her husband have had with SW, - both in the county where F was put into foster care and later placed with them under an SGO, and in the county that dealt with their application to adopt F.
The second county acted as the adoption agency and treated the application to adopt as if it was an entirely new process. That's why my daughter and s-i-l had to repeat all of the steps taken for an SGO, including references and police reports. She has also saved and printed every email and other written communication and she has a copy of the BM's birth certificate..She has asked to be told the birth father's name, as F may want to know, later.

As a fond grandmother, I have just completed a photo book for F, which I will keep for now, but show to her later, once my daughter has approved the contents. I have included a few photos of F as a very young baby - she was in the care of her birth mother for 5 months - and some photos of her foster parents, with whom she lived happily for 10 months. The foster parents did a good job and it is obvious that F was much loved while in their care.
There are some photos of her BM, and of her half brother and half sister, and of F's first meeting with her new parents.
F does not yet know that she has a half-brother, because his paternal grandparents have an SGO for him and they have avoided contact with his BM's family. So, I'll wait until F is older and has been given more information before she sees the book I've made.

Since the SGO, F has been re-introduced to her birth grandparents and her half sister, and has seen them several times in the past year. She has met her foster parents again. I have included a few photos of these people in the book, as well.
Although F is now adopted, contact with her birth family will be maintained. F knows that Z is her older "sister", who lives (under an SGO) with their birth grandparents and both girls seem to accept that. The law may have changed F's legal relationship to her birth family, but she will still know that they are also family.

I have ended the book with a copy of the souvenir adoption certificate.

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