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Post by Annw2301 » Tue Feb 18, 2020 9:53 pm

I am currently in the process of SGO for my grandson he has lived with me on and off since a baby properly since 13 months old he’s 6 now my daughter has mental health difficulties and struggled with her parenting role mainly due to the father and the ongoing abuse DV he did towards her he went to court for assault however was dropped to criminal damage when she was pregnant he was a nightmare throughout her pregnancy and after grandson was born he was a nasty piece of work he abused her mentally demolished her property he smashed windows spray painted her house however as not seen doing police couldn’t do anything but he sent her messages he had telling her people in glass houses should throw stones and sleep with one eye open he also had family members and his girlfriend regularly threatening violence to her he would enjoy the drama of all the women falling out caused by him his family should not of had my daughters number. He abused my daughter on social media regular horrible degrading things all this we have as proof to give to court from over the years my daughter had to move houses due to all this the house wasn’t safe for my grandson to stay in.
He’s not seen my grandson since he was 12 months old after yet another situation between his girlfriend sister and my daughter again caused. By him. He was advised by police to stay away with his horrible family/girlfriend and he’s never bothered since until now.
My grandson had additional needs he’s 6 now attends special needs school has an emotional age of a 18 month old and very challenging behaviours to make things stable for him I applied for SGO for stability as father on birth certificate he was contacted by the courts and appeared at the hearing
He told the social worker him and his girlfriend wanted custody of my grandson who does not know this man even exist he now as other children he plays games he’s changed his mind 3 times now from in agreement to sho not in agreement wanting full custody to in agreement in court the judge as asked for a position statement of him
This man has threatened court over the years 2016 and last year never puts court papers in in all part of his games I told the judge this to
He works has his own business leads a very good live style however as self employed is a nill assessment with csa. He has not paid a penny for my grandson or contributed to this upbringing nor birthday or Christmas presents either.
My question will this man get contact ? He’s a violent unpredictable thug as well as his family school are supporting me as any contact would have to be very slow at his understanding and pace social care are in agreement with my SGO and I have a positive assessment he has been told he will have to be fully assessed by social services the police checks are not back yet however he is known to them
My daughter is in agreement to the SGO she sees my grandson most days he doesn’t stay over as he likes routine and stability and does not settle he screams all night and I have to pick him up
I am hoping for no contact or indirect at the worst as anybody else been in this situation st the last hearing I told the judge that man was only stood there as we had summoned him or he wouldn’t have bothered
And he as the check to say custody for a child he doesn’t even know he’s a stranger to him to live with him and his violent girlfriend we have evidence of DV between them he has put on social media when they have fell out.
I have to wait for his position statement then respond as I am representing myself I’m not sure what this is ??? He states he will have a solicitor next time how he is paying fir this god knows as csa think he’s not working ? the judge asked him that question and he told the judge he works lol
I’m so worried about it all I just want the best for my grandson and him and his family back in our lives would be the worst thing ever the trouble will start all over again that I am certain off it made me very ill last time the stress of it all
Thanks for reading any help would be much appreciated

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Robin D
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Post by Robin D » Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:26 am

I have to wait for his position statement then respond as I am representing myself I’m not sure what this is ???
This means that you will not have a solicitor or barrister to represent your views to the court so you have to speak for yourself. It's very common these days in family cases and you will find the court clerk and judge are helpful. In one case we were involved in, the child was represented under the legal aid scheme. The barrister for the child was extremely helpful and, having spoken to us beforehand, was able to put some of our points because they affected the child. The fear of representing ourselves was much, much worse than the reality. I can't say it's not stressful, because it is, but you have to keep the reason for putting yourself through it (i.e. the child) central to your thoughts and everything else will fall into place.

Good luck.
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am


Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Mar 18, 2020 12:10 pm

Dear Annw2301

Welcome to FRG’s family and friends carers discussion board and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you and your family have experienced. I am sorry for the delay in responding to you. An experienced family and friends carer has provided a very helpful response already and I just wanted to add a little to what he has said and also to signpost you to additional sources of advice and information.

From what you say, it seems that you are doing a great job looking after your little grandson. You have provided safety and stability for him throughout his life. You are now rightly wanting to get parental responsibility for him through a Special Guardianship Order to allow you to continue to care for him safely.

Unfortunately you have not been able to get legal aid and so are representing yourself as a litigant in person. The kinship carer with experience of this has offered you some reassurance which I hope has helped somewhat.

Just a couple of points:

Have you asked Children’s Services if they would pay for you to get some legal advice? They don’t have to but should have a policy on this which you could request. In your situation you describe a background of abusive behaviour from your grandson’s father and that your grandson has special needs. So it may be that children’s services were involved in the past or could be now in terms of offering support to your grandson as a child in need. These would be relevant factors in asking them to consider helping you access legal advice.

Our advice sheet DIY Special Guardianship – information for family and friends carers does give practical advice though about how to do this yourself – see part 2 of this in particular as it explains more about how to write your statement and put your points across so please do have a look at this. Your grandson’s father will also be writing a position statement which is where he sets out his position - there is some very helpful information about representing yourself in court and on position statements on Child Law Advice’s website. You will need to consider the points that he makes and address them from your point of view and thinking about what is best for your grandson, now and in the future.

There is further advice and information on going to court for litigants in person on the Advice Now website; including a film on representing yourself in the family court .

You are worried about what contact will be agreed by the court for your son’s father. You have explained your concerns very clearly and that there is no established relationship between father and son. You will have discussed this also with the social worker who will have to consider what the best arrangement for your grandson would be in their report for the court and make a recommendation around this. Any decision by the court must be made with regard to your grandson’s welfare. There are a number of different arrangements for contact that can be made - your grandson’s needs being the most important consideration always. This can include very gradual contact, supervised contact and other options. If you have any support needs in relation to any decision the court makes about contact then do contact the social worker for support.

In terms of your support needs, has the social worker undertaken an assessment? As your grandson was not previously looked after they don’t have to do this but they can.

Have a look at the information on support in the advice sheet linked to above and these also:

Support from children’s services for relatives and friends looking after someone else’s child and Social Security support for relatives and friends looking relatives and friends looking after someone else’s child.

I hope that this is helpful.

Please do post again if we can offer any further advice or if you prefer to speak to an adviser please call our freephone advice helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm).

With best wishes


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