3YEARS LATER, STILL ONLY 4 HOURS EVERY 4 WEEKS

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H92847
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2019 4:36 am

3YEARS LATER, STILL ONLY 4 HOURS EVERY 4 WEEKS

Post by H92847 » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:19 pm

HI I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE BUT IM DESPARETLY LOOKING FOR HELP AND ADVICE, AS I AM STARTING TO LOSE MYSELF.

NOT TO SURE HOW TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS AS ALOT HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST 7YEARS :( BUT I AM JUST GOING TO START FROM WHERE I AM NOW. MY2 BEAUTIFUL BABIES (AGE 7/9) ARE PLACED WITH MY SISTER UNDER A SGO, MY SISTER HAS HOWEVER TRIED TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE SHE DONT LET ME HAVE THEM UNSUPERVISIED BUT I MUST SAY IT IS ONLY MY MUM WHO DOES MY CONTACT, BUT PLEASE BARE IN MIND I WAS TAKEN IN TO CARE AND REMOVED FROM HER AS SHE DID NOT LOOK AFTER ME AT ALL I WAS MADE TO LOOK AFTER MYSELF FROM THE AGE OF 12 AS I USED TO BE LEFT FOR DAYS USED TO HAVE TO TAKE MYSELF TO SCHOOL ETC. SHE DOES NOT MAKE ANY EFFORT TO EVEN BOND OR TALK TO MY KIDS SO NOT SURE WHY THEY ARE EVEN TAKING TO HER HOUSE. ANYWAY THATS ANOTHER ISSUE.

I HAVE TRIED TO GET ALONG WITH MY SISTER FOR THE SAKE OF MY KIDS BUT I CANT DO IT ANYMORE, I WILL WILLINGLY ADMIT I ATTACKED HER AND BEAT HER UP LAST YEAR (MARCH 2018) AND GOT ARRESTED BUT MY CASE WENT NFA AS SHE HAD PROVOKED ME!

SINCE IT HAS JUST STAYED THE SAME, 4HOURS, ONCE EVERY 4 SATURDAYS! MY KIDS STILL CRY AND ASK TO COME HOME THEY DONT WANT TO BE WITH HER, THEY WANT TO BE WITH THERE MUM WHERE THEY CLEARLY FEEL LOVED IN JUST 4 HOURS.

MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 9 HAD ONLY ADMITTED TO ME LAST WEEK THAT HER AUNT(MY SIS) SWEARS AT THEM WHEN THEY ARE NAUGHTY OR DONT LISTEN TO HER.. SO MY KIDS WERE REMOVED FROM MY EX PARTNERS ABUSE TO GO LIVE WITH HER TO BE ABUSED. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MAD I FEEL WHILE WRITING THIS I WANT TO TAKE HER TO HELL BUT SHE IS QUITE LUCKY RIGHT NOW AS SHE IS NOW PREGNANT AFTER TRYING WITH HER EX PARTNER OVER 10YEARS. BUT SHE IS NOW WITH SOMEONE NEW. SHE IS ACTING LIKE A SPOLIT BRAT AS SHE KNOWS SHE HAS CONTROL.. I HAVE NOW MADE IT CLEAR I HAVE ALWAYS LET HER GET ON WITH IT AND SEE MY GIRLS WHEN SHE SAYS SO.. PLEASE BARE IN MIND PEOPLE IF SHE SAYS I CAN SEE THEM 4 TIMES IN 1 MONTH I WILL LIKE OTHER MONTHS BUT I DONT THINK ITS FAIR TO CHANGE IT 4X TIMES A MONTH TO THEN BACK TO X1 A MONTH. NOT FAIR ON MY KIDS NOR ME. I AM GOING TO BE AS HONEST AS I CAN BE, WHEN MY KIDS WERE 1ST REMOVED I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF SO I FELT I COULDNT CARRY ON WITHOUT THEM, BUT I AM STILL TRYING TO STAY STRONG FOR THEM. THE PAIN I FEEL THE WAY I FEEL ON A DAIY BASIS. I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE A FAILED MUM BUT WHEN I WAS TRYING TO GET HELP FROM POLICE, SOCIAL SERVICES THEY DIDNT LISTEN THEY DIDNT CARE UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE AND MY CHILD GOT HURT! I USED TO TURN UP TO SOCIAL SERVICES BATTERED ASKING TO BE MOVED AWAY FROM MY EX ABUSIVE PARTNER. BUT NOPE NO ONE CARED NOT EVEN THE FAMILY WHO HAVE MY KIDS YET I AM THE BAD PERSON I HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP WITH NEITHER OF MY 2 BROTHERS NOR MY 3 SISTERS. I JUST ABOUT SPEAK TO MY MUM AND THATS ONLY ABOUT TIME OR PLACE IM SEEING MY KIDS.

I REALLY DONT NO WHAT TO DO MY CONTACT HASNT CHANGED IN OVER 3AND HALF YEARS. I GOT A JOB AND HELD IT DOWN USED TO PAY MY SISTER OVER £600 A MONTH ON TOP OF WHAT SHE GETS TO HELP AND SUPPORT MY KIDS AND IT GET THROWN IN MY FACE. I DONT NO WHAT MORE TO DO IM NOW AT THE STAGE THINKING WHEN I NEXT SEE THEM JUST TAKE THEM AND NOT BRING THEM BACK THEY DONT WANT TO BE WITH HER, SHE IS A BITTER COW THAT CLEARLY DONT LIKE SEEING MY GIRLS HAPPIER AS THEY ARE WHEN THEY ARE WITH ME. IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT. I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE MY FACE IS KNOWN IT IS AROUND AS I WILL BE TURNING UP AT HER HOUSE, TURNING UP AT THE SCHOOL UNEXPECTED I HAVE BEEN NICE ENOUGH AND LET HER GET ON WITH IT AND HOPE MY CONTACT AND RELATIONSHIP WILL IMPROVE WITH EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY BUT IT JUST AINT HAPPENING. I AM LEFT OUT OF ALL FAMILY GATHERINGS, BIRTHDAYS, CHRISTMAS ETC 3 YEARS I HAVE BEEN MYSELF ON CHRISTMAS :( NEVER BEFORE HAS THAT HAPPENED. I CANT FUNCTION AND THINK PROPERLY WHILE I AM STRESSING AND WORYING CONSTANTLY ABOUT MY KIDS

PLEASE GUYS I AINT HERE TO BE JUDGED ANYONE WHO HAS LIVED MY LIFE WOULD OF KILLED THEMSELVES BY 17 BEFORE THEY EVEN HAD THERE 1ST CHILD :( I AM JUST LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE XXX

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Robin D
Posts: 1918
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:58 pm

Re: 3YEARS LATER, STILL ONLY 4 HOURS EVERY 4 WEEKS

Post by Robin D » Tue Jan 07, 2020 7:28 pm

Hi H92847.

Unfortunately this forum is designed for those looking after other peoples children, not for the parents. You need https://www.frg.org.uk/ParentsForum/index.php. However, I've read your heart breaking life story, and have some sympathy with your position.
The only three pieces of advice I would give you are
1. Under no circumstances should you ever take matters into your own hands and keep the children. You will find the courts view it extremely seriously and will issue a recovery order for the children that will be undertaken with police support, and yes, they will find you. From personal experience, it's a process that doesn't help the children at all and is very stressful and painful for everyone, especially the children.
2. The correct way forward is to apply to the courts to vary the order, assuming one is in place. If you are unsure, please talk to Children's Services, or citizens advice first. CS may be prepared to assist with improving contact for the benefit of the children. Note that it's got to be for the children and in their best interests, not what you want or wish for, harsh as that might sound.
3. Do not fall into the trap of taking everything the children say at face value. They will be saying something very different to your sister and family. They will have split loyalties, and WILL (not might) be trying to keep all parties happy by responding to the stimuli they are receiving at any given point. Do not challenge them on this, as they will still tell you what they think you want to hear. I'm sure if it's not too painful, you can probably remember how you felt as a child when torn between adults? It hurts, so please try to avoid hurting your children in the same way.

Sorry if this is not what you wish to hear. The only way out is for the adults to either work out a compromise, or for the courts to make an order.

Best wishes and hoping you can find some way of improving the relationship with your children and your sister. ..... Robin
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

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