Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

its all abit messy
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Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby its all abit messy » Mon May 18, 2015 8:08 pm

So background, nephew coming to us under either sgo or care order then sgo, birth parents want CO but myself, my husband, SS and kinship team want SGO. Birth parents agreed last week in one of.court sessions before final hearing (on 24 May) he could come to us as SS caught them out in relationship after mam had said all had stopped after birth father put my other nephew into intensive care for over a week. SS found birth father guilty of the charges.
So my question is - have meeting tomorrow with SS, kinship team, Foster carers and both birth parents to discuss the placement as transiston plan starts tomorrow and my nephew will.be in our care next Friday. So at this meeting contact is to be discussed. SS advised twice yearly however nirth father is asking for six times yearly same as birth mam. Now as they have agrees to let him come to us should I agree to increase or deny, I feel if we deny this increase they could then retract the agreement of nephew coming to us. Wjats people's opinions or can they even retract the approval now? Thanks

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ied53
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Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby ied53 » Tue May 19, 2015 6:29 am

Personally I would go with the as advised by SW I am actually surprised he is getting any after putting a child in hospital,! I do hope all contact will be supervised. Especially as they suggest twice as he will be a stranger to them. We were advised contact should be little enough for the child to be secure in the placement but enough for a child to know them. A word of warning if you argue for BF (birth father) the sw may feel you will give in to him and worry that you will be able to stand up to him. You could suggest 3 with the option that with proven suitable interaction and care you can offer additional at your discretion . ( you could clarify by saying birthdays / family celebrations) . Also unless you are given a contact order the level of contact is advice only and up to you.. Doesn't matter whether the parents agree to the placement or not the court will decide in the best interests of the child. I will guarantee that the BP will change their minds and fight at the last run as it makes them feel good as if they tried everything . Of course they don't try the one thing that would work that is to turn their lives round and be a parent. The BP will push the boundaries you will need to prove you can be strong and are willing to stand up to them if required. The BP will say anything except the truth.
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

its all abit messy
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby its all abit messy » Tue May 19, 2015 6:44 am

Thanks very much for reply,made me feel less nervous for.this morning.
SW asked me about six timely yearly, wasn't my suggestion.
Fingers crossed for today and will update

its all abit messy
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby its all abit messy » Tue May 19, 2015 6:50 am

I have already stated not welcome at my house SS he puts my children in danger so birthdays and Christmas aren't an option, this was SW idea

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ied53
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Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby ied53 » Wed May 20, 2015 6:19 am

As a carer it beggars belief that abusive uncaring parents are considered by ss for "family celebration times" in my personal view I and my family (extended family included) have earned those. Not bp who want to play happy families. Of course there are multiple situation where children are in the care of others or bp turn their lives round so each should be judged on it's on circumstances. At the end of the day it the children that matter do you want a child to have Christmas ruined by a disruptive "parent" or a happy time with the family the child lives with. Why not suggest less than 6 a year then when /if you have to increase to get agreement at least you have negotiating space. Do insist that all contact is supervised ad away from the family home the last thing you need is a "parent" kicking off and frightening the child in their own home.
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

its all abit messy
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby its all abit messy » Wed May 20, 2015 8:16 am

Well transition meeting went fab! All now agree nephew should come under SGO, even cafcass. I put my foot down over contact and got my own way as don't want him near my children.
He will be with us next Thursday for good with 5 days transiston until then
Didn't think we would ever be sorted after six months of fighting

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ied53
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Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby ied53 » Wed May 20, 2015 4:22 pm

Great news
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

its all abit messy
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Should I risk saying no to contact with abusive dad

Postby its all abit messy » Thu May 21, 2015 9:28 pm

Thanks, never thought we'd get here! It's all abit real and scary now


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