biological mother has stolen from my mother during contact

[mother78]

Geeez, I'm as special guardian and Contact only happens once a month and is happening tomorrow it is supervised by my mother. My brother lives abroad and as far as I was aware he had nothing to do with this lady. I saw on his facebook that he had been talking to her, stupidly thought I would look at what they had been writing to each other (I know it was a little nosey) whilst stalking her profile I saw that she had the exact same phone as what went missing from my mothers house and she was selling in on facebook for £10.00 which is far less than the second hand value (I checked this). Many phones look alike but this one was a limited edition one. I don't want to cast allegations but she does have a drug problem and I know she shop lifts for a living and has been known to steal from people she knows.

My mum works away all week and does this is the only person other than me who has been round hers, it all seems to much of a co-incidence, if this is true she must have taken it when my mum went to the loo or to make tea.

My mum is really peeved, does not want her round her house and I agree. But what is the alternative? SC wont pay for contact in a contact centre and I don't really think it is good for him having to go to a contact centre either. I think we should contact the police but what then? not enough evidence, also I am sure my little one wont thank us for having his mum arrested and she will go to prison as was in court yet again for theft on Tue and was told this was her last chance.

I think I should cut the contact hours and her and my mum will have to take him out somewhere instead. what does the community think?

Thanks

[LLB]

This is difficult for you but this is his mother whatever she has done and is doing.

I take it that you are not around when contact takes place which would mean that there would be two of you to see that nothing is taken.

Having been a special guardian myself for many years I can appreciate the difficulties you are experiencing but we felt that whatever the parents were like they are the biological parents.

I don't think that you can cut contact unless there is danger to the child. If you do this the parents have a right to go back to court to demand contact even though you have an SGO.

However, I do appreciate your frustration.

[mother78]

I am not interested in whether or not she steals from where-ever. My issue is that SHE SHOULD NOT STEAL FROM MY MOTHERS house, my mum has been doing her a favour, she did not want to carry on having contact at contact centre, I am not willing and never have been willing to supervise contact, I work all week and don't have time for supervising the contact. No one I know would want to share with her as she is so aggressive, my friends would not even want to be in the same room as her. She was found with a 7 inch carving knife in the pram of her 1 week old baby.
She has been done for assault, battery, robbery. My friends are just not like that and would not entertain her for one minute she is a volatile character.

A lack of awareness by the supervisor? this would mean my mum cannot go to the toilet for the duration of the contact? This contact is at my mothers house supervised by my mother? Contact is 6 hours once a month as I had increased this from 4 hours, but my mum will not have her in her house again. Contact has not gone ahead today as my mother has refused to do it at her home and bio mother does not have any money to go somewhere indoors as whether has been poor. Apparently the DWP has not paid her any money since she came out of prison in December.
As I said my mum could contact police to report the theft, but wont for the sake of the lad.

I do not supervise contact A because I always stated I did not wish to, and B there would be no point as she would be like a spare part as he is very attached and clingy to me. I took on the role as SG for him to not be adopted. I did not even know he existed until she contacted my mum out of the blue when he had been in foster care for 3 months by the time he was 3 and a half months old. I cannot tolerate her for any length of time. We are not talking about someone I knew or cared about, she was a weekend drunken and drugged up fling, and I will be polite to her and I will never show my disdain for her and will always speak positively about her to the little one. I do not wish to spend any amount of time with her and can I forgive someone who neglected that boy so badly?

My friends and family have their own lives, and do their own thing at weekends also he goes to nursery all week. I also have to spend time with my own children, they might be grown up but they still need to spend quality time with their mother.

As for FB she has created FB profiles for the one who lives with me and the other child who is not even one. Seriously? NO:2 is still a LAC.

Frustrated, SGOs are great but my life is undermind by others, what is best for a child, well if my ex was behaving this way I would have stopped contact for my daughter as that would have been the best thing for her, I would not expect my mother to entertain him if he had stolen from her etc etc. Double standards really. I am expected to bring a child up as my own, make the decisions in his best interests but I am 90% sure in 10 years/15 years time I will still be saying the same thing. He would have been adopted if I had not have had him, and its awful for me to say because I love him immensely but adoption would have been best for him to as he would not have this to deal with.

[mother78]

Thanks, I probably responded with haste, but I have been so peeved yesterday regarding the contact situation. I am going to contact SS Monday as my mum has now been checking other things which seem to have vanished into thin air and I feel like I don't want to deal with bio-logical mother anymore. Thanks for your kind words. I just feel that I changed my whole life because someone else could not 'step up' and all I have had is grief, my own family has pretty much fallen apart due to how the family dynamics changed when I got the SGO.

I feel so alone in my feelings around my situation no one close to me actually understands what I go through, I look at my beautiful nephew and think he is so innocent and does not deserve this. I am his aunt but I love him like a mother does/should and yes I make the day to day decisions but always in the back of my mind I know he is in for a life of confusion and questions I constantly look at what the future holds and all I see is a little boy who potentially will be messed up because of the situation. He thinks I am his mummy, and although I try to tell him he is special as he has two mums, it makes me feel upset to think what must be going on in his head (maybe I think too deeply about the situation) Things like his birthday, I want to buy him a card to my son (I never have, I tend to buy cards to a special boy) I just don't want him to feel any different to my other children and he does call me mum but is this right? The only advice I got on this situation from the CAFCASS guardian was that she will take on the role of an aunt and I will take on the role as mum.

Thanks for your kind words of support. I think I will start attending the support groups FRG offers

[LLB]

This is so sad and I can understand how horrible contact can be and we had things go missing as well. I use to dread contact but made myself do it for the sake of the children. It was their parents who were visiting and whatever had gone on they deserved the contact with their parents.
Believe me it was hell however hard we tried to make it pleasant but in the end now that one is in university and the other in secondary school much of the horrible emotion has gone away and the wounds in the family are beginning to heal because of the way we did it.
The animosity that was there has lessened and after over thirteen years the children love both their mum and dad and although not perfect our relationship has improved so it is better all around for everyone.
I just felt that if we had behaved any differently the children would have grown up with divided loyalties and that would have caused more problems.
Our older teenager is so happy now that his mum and dad and us get on and that I always told him that I loved his parents. He has even said as much and thanked us.
This comes from one who is coming out the other side and has experience. You may not believe it but it could be you in a few years time.