Please help me, help my boys!

[Broken]

Long story but here goes.... 5yrs ago s/worker asked me to take my 6yr old & 3yr old g/sons for the weekend which became a week, then a month, after 3 months of that the s/w told me I should apply for SGO or my g/sons would be put up for adoption (no way on earth) my daughter missed numerous court dates so it took 18mths for it to be finalised, she had contact every sat & sun 10am til 2pm but missed over half, it was reduced to every sat 10 til 2 but again she attended 18 out of 42, the judge wisely granted 7 contacts a yr & said if they were missed he would stop them totally.. Yes she missed them, the boys were then 9 & 6 & refused contact, she didn't see them for a yr then suddenly applied to the court, they gave 4 supervised contacts, she was ordered to write letters every month & fortnightly phone contacts but the eldest refuses both, the youngest went to the first 2 the 3rd was on his 8th birthday he asked for an xbox & received her new husbands paint covered old Xbox, he was devastated... So in August contact broke down again the s/w came out to see the boys in dec & cancelled Xmas contact , we were in court on the 1st of march, the s/w told the court I didn't contact her til dec.. So court has ordered 2 contacts 1 tomorrow, 1 on 10th April, outside court I showed s/w my diary saying I rang her 3rd of sept she said oh I remember now.... My daughter was asked about letters & lied saying she sent 1 via her solicitor as court ordered but sent 3 more direct ( she didn't, ) but should have sent 9 by now, but judge let it slide, as for the Xbox the judge said its ok to give secondhand presents, but for me the heartbreaker is I have been told I have to drag my boys to contact tomorrow if I have to, despite the now 11yr old being adamant that he doesn't want to go... Oh and just for the icing on the cake, for 2 days I've been phoning the s/w to find out what time contact is, she's had 3wks to tell me, I found out at 1pm today after calling 10 times today..... Please help me

[Robin D]

I've just read your post and am short of time so this will be brief..... Sorry.

First thing. Who is supervising contact tomorrow? If the social worker, get them to pick up the boys. If the eldest refuses to go, they will see for themselves and report to the court accordingly. If you are supposed to be supervising, you MUST in my opinion have someone independent there to witness what happens, especially if either boy refuses to go.

I also wonder, if you have an SGO, whether you (or the court) have been properly advised. The whole point of an SGO is permanence and while the court has authority to rule on contact, it seems that to go to a much higher contact rate when its been so unsuccessful in the past, flies in the face of giving you the SGO in the first place and you might find you have grounds for appeal.

I don't think you can stop tomorrow happening unless the boys refuse point blank to go, else you are potentially in contempt of court. However I think you should ring the free advice line on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday 9.30am-3.30pm). Your call is completely free if you call from a landline or from these mobile networks: 3, T-Mobile, Vodafone, O2, Orange, Virgin. They will be better placed to advise you on the best way forward and can discuss more detail of the case confidentially.

Let us know how you get on.

Best wishes ...... Robin

[Broken]

Thank you so much for your reply... Yes I was granted SGO 27/7/09 I will definitely call the number tomorrow, thank you so much for your advice

[Broken]

Update On Today's Contact... We arrived 10 minutes early & after asking my g/son what seniors school he's going to in September their mum asked the boys where they want to go for the April contact, the 11yr old replied I'm not going to any contacts, I politely said I think we should leave this conversation til the s/w arrives & stick to general chit chat, 4.30 the s/w arrived & she said let's go in then, both boys said no... she said how about if nan sits close by for a while, the eldest g/s said no! to which their mum grimaced & venomously said to him " what have I ever done wrong to you, I'm your mum I gave birth to you" to which the social worker said what about just coming in for a little while, he snapped back, what part of no are you not accepting!!, he then said I just need to speak to my mum a minute, turned to her & said this is Goodbye!! It was heartbreaking to see... The 8yr old went for the 2 hrs contact although reluctantly... Why my daughter & the judge think this is fair & just begets belief, all I know is today I watched 1 g/s say something no child should ever feel the need to say, & walked away from the other 1, who as I looked back at him, he suddenly seemed so tiny & so lost.....

[Broken]

After a horrendous week, due to contact & then being informed on Friday that my daughter has plastered my Grandsons all over the Internet, I felt like I was set adrift on a sinking raft, but thanks to Susan from FRG today I can finally see that there is a light, she gave me amazing advice & made me smile for the first time in ages, I can't thank her or FRG enough... Thank You Susan, your a star xx

[David Roth]

Broken, thank you for your lovely message, which I am passing on to my advice colleague Susan. It really helps us when we know that the advice we have given has made a difference to someone's life, as we don't always know what happens after we have given our advice.

I hope things continue to look up for you.

[Broken]

Thank you, you all do an amazing job & I know from my part I would have been lost without the advice I was given, and the feeling that I wasn't alone & to not be spoken down to (which the authorities do, a lot) was priceless... Thank you for passing my message to Susan, even my precious grandsons have commented that I seem happier, which has meant the world to me, as I'm typing this I'm awaiting the news of an emergency court date to hopefully remove my boys from the horrendous Internet sight that they have been put on, I wouldn't of known where to start without FRG, I will keep you updated, I honestly can't thank you all enough, keep up the good work!! Xx