Update on the Nutty One

[Aunty Lucy]

ha ha, how strong do you two think I have to be? [:D]

I'm lucky I don't have much of a sweet tooth and I do the healthy eating thing as the norm.

It's his birthday next week, you all know what's coming don't you?

[Aunty Lucy]

It's his birthday next week.
I knew this for a while obviously, but the implications just hit me like a ton of bricks!
He's not going to her, we already have plans, but I haven't told anyone the definite plans yet.
Last time I kept him home I got a visit from the heavy mob when The Nutty Ones husbands football team was playing at home, they're at home this weekend.

I might start looking for some mafia connections!

[Kate]

Hi Aunty Lucy, been away and just catching up - how did the birthday go? I hope your nephew's still managing to say no to overeating, it will be very hard for him but it's great that he can see it's for the best for him. (another one here who needs to say no a bit more, too many clothes not fitting any more this spring!)

[Aunty Lucy]

Sorry Kate, I've been too busy to get here recently.

TRhe birthday was great, we went out for Chineese as my nephew had asked, me and him and one of my other sons and my ex husband, my nephew loves that, we're a 'proper family' just out and chatting away.

got back and there were cards pushedthrough the door, hand delivered obviously because it was a Sunday. What goes through their heads to travel 50 miles without ringing first just to deliver cards?

Nephew was eager to open them obviously, but was disappointed that there was nothing in them, no cash! She'd promised him cash to buy some fishing stuff.

He still hasn't had a gift from them, I suspect she will say I didnt allow her to see him to give him one, but she saw him twice in the month of his birthday, whereas usually she only sees him once, she could have arranged something.

This weekend my nephew had a surprise visit while he was fishing with my son. He tells me he had a text from the Nutty one asking what he was up to, told her he was fishing and an hour later her husband turned up.

I so wish there was something I could do, I'd have no problem with them seeing him if they were open and honest and upfront and supported me in his upbringing, but they aren't and they don't. They're only teaching him dishonesty and deceit.

[Aunty Lucy]

I wonder if the police would help me find out why a 50 odd year old man needs to sneak on the canal, meet him in secret, encourage him not to tell me, and give him money?

It doesn't sound right when it's put that way does it?

Had a big chat with my nephew yesterday about honesty, trust and lies. I'm almost sure I'm on a loser there though, because I don't manipulate him.

[David Roth]

Aunty Lucy, taken together this is quite a worrying pattern of behaviour. You are the ones with parental responsibility, and they ought to be working with you, not going behind your back. And in particular, they should not be allowing your nephew to see any splits between you as the adults.

Even if you're not going to take any action now, it is worth continuing to take notes of all these incidents, in case they do escalate into something more worrying.

You may at some point have to decide what is best for your nephew. Even if he enjoys the contact, it can't be good for him that his other aunt and uncle are doing things secretively. If they can't change, you may need to consider how to review the contact arrangements so they can be more beneficial for your nephew.

David R
FRG Policy Adviser

[Aunty Lucy]

I have no idea what action to take David.

I've tried being nice and explaining to them that it's not fair on him to be put in a position where he's asked to keep secrets from me, I've sent solicitors letters saying the same thing, I've stopped contact for periods of time because of their behaviour and lies. I just don't know what else to do. I have no official contact order, just the RO and PR orders.

[Aunty Lucy]

Can I ask for a contact order?

And if I can can I present my evidence from the last 3 years? and can I ask for restricted texts/phone calls and letters?

Can I say what I think contact should be? and why?

[Aunty Lucy]

I've been trying this out today [:)]

I don't think it's going to work but it's fun


http://www.virtual-design.com/demos/voo ... ion=voodoo

[Aunty Lucy]

I just have to keep smiling Irene, I don't like being down and that link makes me giggle!

I'm going to look into what I can do as soon as I can.
There's definitely some kind of abuse going on here, I implied sexual abuse earlier but I really have no doubts that that isn't the case, that was just something I would use to show her how it might look to outsiders. The abuse is emotional and mental and it's going to stop.

I'm going to ring the NSPCC tomorrow morning, and try to get an appointment with my solicitor.