Contact

[ajc]

Hi
I havent posted for a while but been popin in now and again to keep up with whats happening.
Things seem to have been going reasonably well for us since we got the SGO for our two G/C however; this weekend the g/c went for contact to other grandmother (she is suppposed to supervise and the go every alternate weekend but we know mum dosent turn up every weekend to take advantage of this) the eldest aged 5 came back and announced she is going to live with mum, as we were to old, and mum told her this and that she would never hurt her. Also she told us that mums baby was present (half brother) but that the "baby was poorly had a sore ear, throat and eyes so it was crying"
Tonight the eldest has woken complaining of ear ach and says she has caught it from the baby. Unfortunatly our son (dad) was present as they arrived back from contact and he was fumming. It seems mums younger sister took the g/c to mums house, whilst grandma stayed at home. So he texted her and she said its allowed. We have no contact order in the SGO its left to our discretion. But I am worried by these latest developments. Mums sister is younger than mum, and their is history of violence between them mainly when mum is in drink. God knows if the baby is getting any medical care for his complaint. Hubby wants to now reduce the contact. When I have challenge maternal mum about this before in the past she has said that the g/c say other things, and its tittle tattle. How do we stand in this any advise welcome.

Keep on keeping on

[Kate]

ajc, I think your husband is right. You need to set very clear boundaries now because the original arrangement is not being stuck to and it's not acceptable.

It is for you to decide what is best for your grandchildren and from what you describe the other grandma is clearly not supervising contact with the g/c's mum as agreed. It's not going to do them any good to be taken to their mum's by her younger sister, not just because of the likelihood that things will kick off between their mum and their auntie, but because from what they tell you their mum has been feeding them untruths which can only cause them confusion and insecurity. You really have no choice but to stand firm here, wishing you the best of luck.

[mama t]

hi ajc
i was faced with something very similar a few years ago so i stopped contact completely untill they took me to court for a contact order whilst we were waiting to go back to copurt it gave me time to stabilize the boys as it took about 6 months. i did however offer the other nana supervised contact at my home in the meantime which she flatly refused to accept. if i was you i would stick to my guns and at all times put the children first.

love n light xx mama t xxx

mama t
www.whyitsallaboutthem.com

[Muspark]

Hello

As there is no contact order I would stop contact and demand a meeting where Grandma is told in NO uncertain terms that she is to supervise contact at all times and that she has failed to do this. It is totally unacceptable that a child was told you are "too old" etc.

If they don't like the new firm rules then they will have to get advice but you have the SGO and are looking after the childs best interests.

If you are worried about the other baby make a call to the Social Services and ask them to check it out, the baby may well be ill but it will put your mind at rest. x x

[ajc]

Hi thanks for all your good solid advice I will be taking it.
Hugs to all x


Keep on keeping on

[Kate]

Good luck ajc [:)]

[ajc]

Hi
On droping g/c into school this am, the class teacher took me to one side and informed me that they had taken a call from mum yesterday. She said she wanted a copy of her school report,asked how she was doing, and said that she wanted to know the dates of all open days, concerts ect. She was told that I will be given two copies of her reports, the dates were on the school website and that she was doing spendidly.To which she said she will be having g/c back soon!.
To say I was gobsmacked is a understatement. I arranged school admission, she never showed the slightest interest before,she was fully aware of the xmas concert g/c was taking part in and never once enquired about attending.
I have told the teacher (who is acting head mistress)that if she rings again she is to be informed that she must contact me for any information she wants, as I have SGO and as such have PR over parents.I dont blame the school they were as tactful as they could be.But I am furious at this. To top that off we have been having problems settling the youngest at nursery, she has suddenly started crying becoming really distressed when we leave her. This is a major change as she loved going to nursery until this week. The youngest has a very good attachement to us as we had her as a tiny baby, I initally thought something was wrong at nursery, and I am not ruling that out, but now I wonder if this is her way of telling us that mums false info about them coming to live with her has unsettled the youngest and she feels insecure.
Plus I have a awful feeling that something is afoot, maybe I am stressing over nothing but this sudden interest by mum concerns me.

Keep on keeping on

[ajc]

yes they have a copy and i sent a email with another scanned copy of the SGO asking them to direct her enquiries to us the "the special guardians".I also pulled out quotes from the childrens legal centre bit on PR in relation to SGO which should help them in dealing with her. God knows what she is up to with this. Imagine telling the school she was going to get them back. What is it to them? What would she gain? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Keep on keeping on

[Kate]

ajc, I think telling school she'll be getting them back soon is the sort of thing mums in this position often say because they know it looks bad that they don't have their children. I hope that's all this is, but the situation itself is very difficult and stressful for you. I really hope she'll get the message about having to find everything out via you and not school, and that this current burst of interest will fizzle out fast. Sending you cyberhugs {{{{{{{ajc}}}}}}}}}}

[ajc]

Thanks Kate loads o hugs to you too.x

Keep on keeping on