I'm confused and a bit scared
Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 11:05 pm
Hi - My Grandson has been living with me for 2 years and I am his kinship foster carer
He was previously in non family foster care for a year
After my Grandson had been with me about 6 months SS started putting pressure on me to go for an SGO
I wanted to make the right decision for me so took advice from some other special guardians etc and also thought about the support I had in place as his foster carer
It still felt all new to me , was settling into my role , glad of the support and it did not feel right for me to go for an order as yet where I would lose the majority of my support etc so I talked to my fostering SW and she advised me to ask for more time which I did
At the following LAC review I expressed where I was at re going for an SGO and stated I needed more time as I needed the support in place ( especially as my Grandson who is 9 has special needs and challenging behaviour ) so the LAC review officer recommended they laid off the pressure
As time went on I was getting more confident in my role and yet still appreciated the support in place as my fostering SW organised some regular much needed respite for me and was supporting me with my Grandsons difficult behaviors etc and I felt happy and comfortable in my role and with the support etc I was getting
I was then told by SS if I don't go for an SGO that they would get a care order and ''You don't want that! So are you willing to go for an SGO?'' and so I said ''yes''
The new SW then also asked me on around 3 different occasions ''are you willing to go for an SGO'' and I said ''yes'' but time ticked on and then here we are 2 years in with little man being with me they had a legal planning meeting and it seems all hell broke loose because of the timescale etc with no permanency in place even though I am 100% willing to be my GS's permanent carer for life - I just needed some time to get my head around it at first and TBH I ALSO wanted to give enough time for my daughter to have a chance to recover from her alcoholism ( Could not help that , being her Mum ) but that was not my MAIN reason for asking for more time , it was about the support I had in place and not being ready to lose that
My daughter said she had stopped drinking 7 months ago and seemed to be doing well , holding down a job , got herself a nice flat , presented sober at every weekly contact and they started talking about reunification
I still had a gut feeling 'something was wrong' re my daughters recovery hence when they asked me a couple of months ago ( which was around the 3rd and last time the new SW asked me ) am I still willing to go for an SGO I said ''yes'' in spite of how well my daughter seemed to be doing but nothing was done , no assessment process started etc and after the legal planning meeting we were told they are going to court for a care order
I am not even sure what that means in regarding the permanency of my Grandson remaining here for life which is what I want if my daughter cannot care for him
The SW found out my daughter was still drinking last week and then they had the legal planning meeting , then a meeting with myself and my daughter at which I was told that the ''yes'' I had said to the SW about wanting to go for guardianship ''wasn't a real yes'' nor were the previous ones but I DID mean it , especially the last 2 times I was asked but seems I 'lost my chance' now so much time has passed with no permanency and it all seems to be my fault for 'delaying it' and for my yes not meaning yes even though it did!!!
I asked the SW about still going for an SGO and she said I would get less money and it felt like I was asking 'too late' and I should have 'gone for it while I had the chance' even though they never told me the process would be starting or that they / we were going to get the process started
So now I feel a bit mistrusting tbh as was told we have to have a FGC and someone else in the family has to come forward for assessment! ... This got my panic button setting in and fear and worry , they said it was in case my health failed but I was not sure if that was 100% the reason as they seem to be unhappy with me / am in their bad books now because I did not go for the SGO when I had the chance and now they are in trouble for it!!!
I want to trust that the Aunty coming forward who is the only person in the family who has presented themselves ( but only to keep my GS out of care as a last resort ) will indeed only be assessed in the event that my health fails or I die ( which are the circumstances they told me ) and I do not mind that , am just a bit scared that as I seem to be in their bad books for asking for the SGO to be delayed that they are actually looking to PLACE him with the Aunt
We have agreed as a family that she will only sign something to the affect that she is only willing to be assessed as his carer in the circumstance of my death or poor health but I am in FINE health currently with no medical conditions and am 53 years old and my Grandson will be 10 next month
I may be worrying about nothing but I also do not understand why the order they are going to court for has to be a care order not an SGO???
My daughters contact has been upped to 4 times a week from tomorrow and I am worried about the disruption to my Grandsons routine and how he will deal with it emotionally / mentally as he has Autism and only partial speech so cannot ask questions and has meltdowns etc when he is upset or overwhelmed and he has been wetting himself every day since my daughter told him he has his room at her new house ( she wants him back ) but I am complying fully with the arrangement and will just have to deal with any behaviours around it but if it is not mild but really BAD and ongoing then I will have to have a word with them and I will be letting the school know about the changes
It is a bit stressful to say the least right now as they do not seem to be fully behind me any more re an SGO but what is the alternative? He has been happily settled with me now for 2 years , there have been no concerns whatsoever with my care of him in fact the fostering team were 'impressed' they said at panel and I did well on my 1 year assessment and the school are VERY pleased with how my GS is doing so I just need to ensure that he will NOT be moved and will remain with me for life if necessary ( ie if my daughter does not pass her parenting assessment ) as I am willing , able and happy to bring up my Grandson for the rest of my life and I have told them that in previous e-mails before the legal planning meeting happened but maybe they expected me to be more proactive and get the ball rolling with the solicitor but tbh I was waiting to be instructed from them to do so ie we are going for it , get the solicitor sorted and we are starting your assessment now but that never happened
All because it 'seems' my 'yes' was not a real 'yes' when it WAS and even more so now it has been confirmed my daughter has still been drinking but even with her presenting well I had my suspicions all along for the past 7 months hence saying yes when asked if I was willing to go for an SGO and it's not entirely my fault NOTHING WAS DONE
Does it have to be a care order they go for or can it be an SGO instead? If it has to be a care order can they then go for an SGO with me afterwards?? They seem to feel I am too keen too late but I was just being honest and hate being pressurised into things I am not ready for!!
He was previously in non family foster care for a year
After my Grandson had been with me about 6 months SS started putting pressure on me to go for an SGO
I wanted to make the right decision for me so took advice from some other special guardians etc and also thought about the support I had in place as his foster carer
It still felt all new to me , was settling into my role , glad of the support and it did not feel right for me to go for an order as yet where I would lose the majority of my support etc so I talked to my fostering SW and she advised me to ask for more time which I did
At the following LAC review I expressed where I was at re going for an SGO and stated I needed more time as I needed the support in place ( especially as my Grandson who is 9 has special needs and challenging behaviour ) so the LAC review officer recommended they laid off the pressure
As time went on I was getting more confident in my role and yet still appreciated the support in place as my fostering SW organised some regular much needed respite for me and was supporting me with my Grandsons difficult behaviors etc and I felt happy and comfortable in my role and with the support etc I was getting
I was then told by SS if I don't go for an SGO that they would get a care order and ''You don't want that! So are you willing to go for an SGO?'' and so I said ''yes''
The new SW then also asked me on around 3 different occasions ''are you willing to go for an SGO'' and I said ''yes'' but time ticked on and then here we are 2 years in with little man being with me they had a legal planning meeting and it seems all hell broke loose because of the timescale etc with no permanency in place even though I am 100% willing to be my GS's permanent carer for life - I just needed some time to get my head around it at first and TBH I ALSO wanted to give enough time for my daughter to have a chance to recover from her alcoholism ( Could not help that , being her Mum ) but that was not my MAIN reason for asking for more time , it was about the support I had in place and not being ready to lose that
My daughter said she had stopped drinking 7 months ago and seemed to be doing well , holding down a job , got herself a nice flat , presented sober at every weekly contact and they started talking about reunification
I still had a gut feeling 'something was wrong' re my daughters recovery hence when they asked me a couple of months ago ( which was around the 3rd and last time the new SW asked me ) am I still willing to go for an SGO I said ''yes'' in spite of how well my daughter seemed to be doing but nothing was done , no assessment process started etc and after the legal planning meeting we were told they are going to court for a care order
I am not even sure what that means in regarding the permanency of my Grandson remaining here for life which is what I want if my daughter cannot care for him
The SW found out my daughter was still drinking last week and then they had the legal planning meeting , then a meeting with myself and my daughter at which I was told that the ''yes'' I had said to the SW about wanting to go for guardianship ''wasn't a real yes'' nor were the previous ones but I DID mean it , especially the last 2 times I was asked but seems I 'lost my chance' now so much time has passed with no permanency and it all seems to be my fault for 'delaying it' and for my yes not meaning yes even though it did!!!
I asked the SW about still going for an SGO and she said I would get less money and it felt like I was asking 'too late' and I should have 'gone for it while I had the chance' even though they never told me the process would be starting or that they / we were going to get the process started
So now I feel a bit mistrusting tbh as was told we have to have a FGC and someone else in the family has to come forward for assessment! ... This got my panic button setting in and fear and worry , they said it was in case my health failed but I was not sure if that was 100% the reason as they seem to be unhappy with me / am in their bad books now because I did not go for the SGO when I had the chance and now they are in trouble for it!!!
I want to trust that the Aunty coming forward who is the only person in the family who has presented themselves ( but only to keep my GS out of care as a last resort ) will indeed only be assessed in the event that my health fails or I die ( which are the circumstances they told me ) and I do not mind that , am just a bit scared that as I seem to be in their bad books for asking for the SGO to be delayed that they are actually looking to PLACE him with the Aunt
We have agreed as a family that she will only sign something to the affect that she is only willing to be assessed as his carer in the circumstance of my death or poor health but I am in FINE health currently with no medical conditions and am 53 years old and my Grandson will be 10 next month
I may be worrying about nothing but I also do not understand why the order they are going to court for has to be a care order not an SGO???
My daughters contact has been upped to 4 times a week from tomorrow and I am worried about the disruption to my Grandsons routine and how he will deal with it emotionally / mentally as he has Autism and only partial speech so cannot ask questions and has meltdowns etc when he is upset or overwhelmed and he has been wetting himself every day since my daughter told him he has his room at her new house ( she wants him back ) but I am complying fully with the arrangement and will just have to deal with any behaviours around it but if it is not mild but really BAD and ongoing then I will have to have a word with them and I will be letting the school know about the changes
It is a bit stressful to say the least right now as they do not seem to be fully behind me any more re an SGO but what is the alternative? He has been happily settled with me now for 2 years , there have been no concerns whatsoever with my care of him in fact the fostering team were 'impressed' they said at panel and I did well on my 1 year assessment and the school are VERY pleased with how my GS is doing so I just need to ensure that he will NOT be moved and will remain with me for life if necessary ( ie if my daughter does not pass her parenting assessment ) as I am willing , able and happy to bring up my Grandson for the rest of my life and I have told them that in previous e-mails before the legal planning meeting happened but maybe they expected me to be more proactive and get the ball rolling with the solicitor but tbh I was waiting to be instructed from them to do so ie we are going for it , get the solicitor sorted and we are starting your assessment now but that never happened
All because it 'seems' my 'yes' was not a real 'yes' when it WAS and even more so now it has been confirmed my daughter has still been drinking but even with her presenting well I had my suspicions all along for the past 7 months hence saying yes when asked if I was willing to go for an SGO and it's not entirely my fault NOTHING WAS DONE
Does it have to be a care order they go for or can it be an SGO instead? If it has to be a care order can they then go for an SGO with me afterwards?? They seem to feel I am too keen too late but I was just being honest and hate being pressurised into things I am not ready for!!