Contact not working - what can be done?

Nanny G
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2014 1:47 pm

Contact not working - what can be done?

Postby Nanny G » Sun Oct 23, 2016 5:18 pm

Hi Everyone,
Some of you will have seen and possibly followed my posts so far, but a quick recap. My Granddaughter is now in my sons care subject to supervision order and mum has contact once a week. Mum has a new baby by an unsavory b/f who has been said to be unsafe near children, his own or anyone elses, and mum was told repeatedly to keep away from and on several occasions has told CS she would and was having no more to do with him. 2 years ago when pregnant she said she had split from him, and whilst no one who knew her believed it would happen CS allowed her to keep her daughter (my G/D) with her. It was when the whole thing got found out that she was after all lying and that the child was in an extremely dangerous and abusive environment after all, they got an interim care order and g/d went into Foster care. Since then my son has really pulled himself together, and sorted his life out in order to get his daughter back with him, while mum has pretty much stayed the same. When it went to court back in JUne this year, mum tried to get joint care but it was decided then that whilst she could probably cope with new baby and child it would be unsettling for G/D to have two homes so was decided she should live with Dad. Contact then went to once a week on a Wednesday morning, until G/D started School in September, when it was to change to Sundays 9.30 - 4.30.
The first few weeks seemed ok but then she started making excuses for her or the baby not being well, baby had a bad night couldnt cope with both so was cutting it short this week, then this week it was cutting it to 4pm as 4.30 interfered with Baby's routine. Son has so far done his best to accommodate this, which has meant he has had to leave work early to collect his daughter. Luckily his employers have been very accommodating over the whole thing, but it does mean his hours and pay are short at the end of the month.
Today, when Son dropped daughter off at the meting place mum informed him the phone she had had, had been cut off so she had no phone to be contacted on, could she contact him through Facebook. He said no, FB wasnt reliable enough and he needed a phone number so if Daughter was ill he could contact her, and she him so she said she would try and sort out a SIM, She wasn't sure if she would be able to go ahead with contact next week as she 'might have to have an operation' and would let son know during the week and was going to cut contact to 4 today as it interferes with Baby's routine. This afternoon, Son got to the meeting place at 4.05 due to having to cash up at work before leaving, where mum was waiting and agitated that he was late, as she needed to get Baby home.. She also said that she had to tell Daughter off today as she was being really naughty and not doing as she was told. G/d keeps telling us mum allows her to drink coke, and gives her lots of sweets, so no surprise she isnt behaving for her apart from the bad memories of being at mums house, and the confusion of whats going on etc.
As they drove off, G/d said to Dad, 'i dont like it when Mummy tells me off. I didnt mean to be naughty' then went on to tell him she woke B/F up, she didn't mean to wake him, he was asleep on the sofa..!!!!! Then as they drove off, they saw Mum walking down the street on her phone (what got a phone now?) then just accross the road was the B/F obviously going to meet her. So it is obviously that she is seeing him again and wants to do other things that she is cutting contact down and just making 'plausible' excuses.

So, whilst there is a court order in place to say G/d lives with son, and sees mum once a week, and that CS should have a supervision order to oversee and supervise contact for up to a year, and that neither parent has the right to change or stop contact, surely this was all made on facts based around the child's safety, including that Mum had no more to do with her B/F, Babys father, and that she had changed and become much better person now, that she had in fact (apparently ) grown up.
With this in mind, and that it is disturbing G/D at school and her behaviour is noticeably worse before and after seeing her mother and that now mum is obviously still seeing the B/F making it an unsafe environment for the child, does son have the right to stop contact and make mum go back to court either personally or through CS, if she wishes to pursue it?
Sw is extremely difficult to get hold of, and always seems very 'throwing his weight around to control these youngsters' sort of attitude. It will normally take him a week to return a call to my son, and contact really cannot go ahead next week in the circumstances.

any advice or thoughts on what should be done?

Thanks in advance for any suggestions,
Nanny G

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Re: Contact not working - what can be done?

Postby ied53 » Mon Oct 24, 2016 6:22 am

There is a supervision order take it all back to the sw. Keep any texts and get any changes she wants either text or writing. Do keep written records. Make noted of what the child says - sw can speak to her too. Can anyone else deliver / collect the child ? If she is reducing the contact fine it is her choice and she is shooting herself in the foot but get proof. " a text so I remember" " fine text me to let me know. Picture of them together. etc
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

Nanny G
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2014 1:47 pm

Re: Contact not working - what can be done?

Postby Nanny G » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:51 pm

Thank you Irene,
They have a contact book where things are noted down. How Child was after contact, basics of how she has been all week for mums benefit, and how she was with mum etc. Cutting of contact is also noted in there.
So far the SW seems to have been very abrupt about the whole thing and everytime Son has tried to approach him about Mum he seems to feel it is son bickering against Mum for personal reasons and threatens to take it back to court if they continue. I can see his point, in view of the history of the case, where they were tit for tat, but now things are different.Although the Family Liaison Officer at the School came up to us the other morning on Sons day off when he was dropping off at school to ask if all was ok and saids they at the school were more than happy with the child and her care, and if there was anything they could do to help they would. Also said mum had not endeared herself at all so far and was becoming quite a pain with her constant phone calls to the FLO as early as 7am! FLO also said SW may sound quite heavy handed from sons point of view, but he was actually a lot more Pro Son, than he let on.

So far whenever child has said anything to son, and whichever SW it was at the time has spoken to her, she apparently hasn't said anything to them. Hopefully she will this time. She has spoken to Son about the b/f quite a lot lately after contact and we weren't sure if it was just memories of when he was there when she lived there with mum or if she had actually seen him. It appears now it was the latter.

It was decided in court that the parents need to work together for the sake of the child and do the handover themselves, so im not sure about anyone else doing it.

Sounds like a Dash cam might be a good idea, would be an 'innocent' recording of the two together.

Thanks for your help
Nanny G

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