SGO and a horrendous amount of hassle

SammyD
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:58 pm

SGO and a horrendous amount of hassle

Postby SammyD » Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:23 pm

In March, I took over the care of my grandson and then proceeded to apply for guardianship. Looking after him is a walk in the park, he is nine months old, but the social services and all that goes with them, are making my life hell.
I have been to court once, where it was demanded that I see a psychologist and have a four hour session with him. He came to my house, and I felt that I was in a,witness stand in a trial. I ended up feeling as if I was the worst parent ever, with a life full of mistakes. He questioned my marriage, why it had ended, my parenting, my relationship with my parents, and why I hadn't got my son diagnosed with Aspergers, sooner than I did. I was questioned why I had gone against court and let my son and his partner back into my house to collect all their belongings, they had left behind when I asked them to leave.
I have also had three weeks of a parenting assessments, to observe me with my family. This I passed with flying g colours, but she is dubious about how contact will work if I keep my grandson. Then yet more visits from another social worker, questioning me again on my private life and why I let my son and his girlfriend back in to collect their belongings.
I now feel completely broken. I don't know which way to turn or where to ask for help. I almost wish that I had never offered t o care for him, as I never expected to feel as if I am on trial. Please, please can anyone help me with some sound knowledge or advice.

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ied53
Posts: 2107
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: SGO and a horrendous amount of hassle

Postby ied53 » Thu Jun 11, 2015 6:16 am

Excuse me you told the parents to leave as they had caused trouble you are protecting the child and you were supposed to allow them back into the house . I think not. I would have packed the belongings for them and put them outside at an arranged time. I threw my son out of our home and he has never been allowed back in since. Most of carers have to see psychologists and have several visits from an assessing sw . We all go through similar to you. After all they are placing someone else's child in your care. They have to be satisfied. It is hard and horrible. Sometimes it isn't the questions it is the tone used. We had 13 visits from the assessor 4 from a psychologist then 6 from an independent assessor. The court are deciding to keep a child from the birth parents it has to be right. Keep your chin up. We manage contact we always use a neutral venue we are civil to both parents. The relationship between us and son is that of " distant relative that you have to tolerate" but we manage. That is if he bothers to turn up. We also had written into our SGO that contact could be supervised by a person appointed by ourselves. You are facilitating a relationship between child and parents no one said you had to have one. Neither can you be forced to have anyone in your own home. Did you say why you pout them out of your home. Strangely in our case that was seen as a positive as we had evidenced we could control our son ( took some work believe me). 10 yrs later neither parent has been to out home
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

SammyD
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:58 pm

Re: SGO and a horrendous amount of hassle

Postby SammyD » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:49 am

Thank you for your reply. Don't feel quite so alone now. Neither of the parents would harm their child. They both have special needs and couldn't work out how to parent properly. They were picking up bed, wardrobe everything, and there's no way I could have done that by myself. My ex turned up to help them take everything away, so someone else was there, as well as my other children. I threw them out, because they refused to agree with what the court had said to do, and they were both getting abusive to me. It was an incredibly tough thing to do, but the relief now my son has gone is immense. I now know that things are on my terms, not his, and thankfully he now has his own place to make his own mistakes.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 441
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: SGO and a horrendous amount of hassle

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jun 15, 2015 12:09 pm

Dear SammyD,

Welcome to the Friends and Family Forum!
Irene has already given you a lot of helpful advice about taking on the care of your son’s children.

You have passed the some of the parenting assessment. It is a big step.

It is a very difficult process to be assessed by the social worker and a psychologist. It is like being under a microscope! Everything you do and decisions you make about the children will be assessed by them.
Here is our advice sheet about special guardianship orders . I think you will find Page 54 onwards about what goes in the report-helpful.


Protecting your grand children from suffering any significant harm

Irene is right. You must show that you can protect your grandchildren long term from any potential significant harm that they might suffer. This involves cooperating with the social worker, seeking her advice and other professionals when needed. And taking the support that you are offered.
All court order must also be followed. Not to follow a court order can jeopardise the children remaining with you. It will have been put in place to protect the children from potential harm.


It sounds like you are use to coping without getting help that might be available. That is a really good skill to have. However, children services will also want to see that you can get support- if it is needed.

To be able to protect your grandchildren you also need to know how the parents might be risky to them.
Here is some information about what significant harm significant harm means. It links off to the definitions of different types of abuse or neglect.

In your post: You say your son was being aggressive. If your grandchildren witnessed this-then it might have been very frightening. Children services would be worried that they would have been put at risk of “emotional abuse” or “physical abuse”.

Parents with a learning disability might inadvertently “neglect” their children. You could ask children’s services about the signs of this.

I hope this helps but please post back to let us know how everything is going and if you need and advice.
Best wishes,

Suzie


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