Advice on SGO

[swampydrill]

Me and my wife have an SGO for our maternal grand daughter and her brother. Grand daughter is 14 months and grandson is 2 1/2, we have had them living with us for 12 months, we are late forties in age. Before all of us it would be fair to say me and the wife were not getting on too brilliantly, the thought of the children being adopted was what made us say we would take them on when offered an SGO through social services, the parents took one of them to the hospital with a mark on her forearm, 10 months late this was thrown out by the judge but due to my sons past trouble he and his girlfriend were told to sort themselves out and prove they could try and get their children back.
Point is that now, I am struggling to stay in this relationship but im worried that if I left, the case would go back to court and the children be adopted, does anybody have any advice on what would happen in the case of a SGO couple splitting. I can financially support my wife and the children, don't know if that matters or not.

[David Roth]

swampydrill, it sounds as if you are in a position that a lot of couples with children who're not getting on have to confront: whether to stay together for the sake of the children, or whether to split. Even although you are special guardians rather than parents, it sounds as if the dilemma is the same. It sounds as if you and your wife need to consider your relationship as well as the legal position.

Legally, the local authority does have the right to apply to discharge a SGO, and unlike others who can make this application they don't have to get the leave of the court first, or provide evidence there that there has been a significant change of circumstances. This would be a highly unusual step for a local authority to take. However, if they feel that what is going to be provided for the children is not going to be what was assessed (i.e. a two-parent household), they may feel concerned that the deal for the children is not what they thought, and that you and your wife have not been straight with them about this.

It is true, as Irene states, that couples do split up after SGOs or adoption orders are made, just as they do in normal family life, and the parents or carers and the children have to work out the best way of carrying on and making the best arrangements possible for the children.

And of course just because the local authority CAN apply for a discharge doesn't mean that they WILL do. And even if they do, it does not mean it would be granted, you would still be able to oppose the application in court.

Have you and your wife been to or considered couple counselling? This might help you to think through together not only whether or not to split, but also if you are going to split how to make arrangements for the children. I don't know how difficult things are between you, but if communication has become difficult then this might help.