SGO or adoption?

Celle
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Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Celle » Sat Sep 19, 2015 4:45 am

My daughter and her husband were distant relatives who had never met F, and yet she was not placed with them until shortly before the SGO. I think they only had 3 contact visits in total before she was placed with them. My son in law is first cousin to F's birth grandfather, which makes F his first cousin twice removed - not a close relationship at all.

Our daughter and son in law were the last hopes of keeping F within the family, and they were the last people within the extended family to be contacted about taking care of F. All F's closer relatives were either unable to take her because of age (birth grandparents) or did not want anything to do with F's BM and her lifestyle (her BM's siblings)

F would have been adopted outside the family, if my daughter and son in law had not felt able to take her. The rest of the family all felt that adoption would give F "a clean start". While they are pleased that contact with the family has been resumed for F, they still feel that adoption, rather than SGO, would have been more appropriate.

Since F was placed under SGO, support from Children's Services in the county that placed her has been minimal. There has been no contact inquiring about F's welfare. It has been a considerable cost for them to take F - as well as buying all the nursery stuff needed, they have had to buy a larger house and a second car and my daughter has had to reduce her work hours (and thus her income). CS has only paid a minimal amount towards F's daycare, and this payment ceased after one year.

It will be a relief for the whole family if adoption could be granted.

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ied53
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Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby ied53 » Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:09 pm

I hope and pray it will . That will be the icing on the cake for the little one
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

Celle
Posts: 68
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Celle » Sat Sep 19, 2015 9:47 pm

In spite of the bad start, she's really a lucky little girl now.
She's very much loved by our daughter and son in law, she has occasional contact with her half sister, she has 3 grandmothers and two grandfathers, who all love her. She has aunts and uncles on both sides of the family, and several new cousins.

Until now, F has been quite happy to know that she has a sister, who lives with Nanny L and Gramps, and that she grew in BM's tummy, but came to live with Mummy and Daddy because BM was sick.

However, she has been a bit unsettled by the visits from the CS worker, who said a few things in front of her that were probably better not heard by her - particularly about her birth father. Until now, he hadn't been mentioned to her. How do you tell a little child that her birth father was almost (not literally) just a sperm donor and that he doesn't want to know anything about her? She also doesn't know that she has a 14-year old half brother, who lives with his paternal grandparents, and who has very little contact with his BM's family.

Although she doesn't say anything at the time, she takes in everything that is said. She's been waking at night, wanting reassuring cuddles.

It would be good for everyone if this can be settled once and for all.

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ied53
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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby ied53 » Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:39 pm

It is so hard but best left to the carers and not over heard. Our eldest overheard the fact she was nearly killed picking up the pieces was very hard. So the sooner they know things the better but from the carers not casual comments. You little ones truly is a lucky girls and I strongly suspect Mummy and Daddy feel just as lucky if not more so. Much respect and good wishes to you all
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

Celle
Posts: 68
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Celle » Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:30 pm

Thanks, Irene!
Yes, her guardians have been blessed by taking F. They are head over heels in love with her, even on her bad days.

Celle
Posts: 68
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Celle » Mon Nov 23, 2015 9:08 pm

Just a quick update:
All the checks necessary for adoption have been completed satisfactorily.

Birth grandparents and SGO grandparents have all been asked to write, to say we support adoption - done, and we all do support adoption. Everyone except CS wanted adoption from the start, but were persuaded to accept SGO, as it would get F out of fostering and into a permanent home more quickly.

Birth father has been contacted by CS and not responded. (He's not on the birth certificate, has never accepted any responsibility, and has no wish to hear about his daughter. Paternity was only established by DNA swabs.)

Birth mother has not responded to CS, but has indicated by phone to her own mother that she is willing to sign, giving consent to adoption. However, she's fickle, never keeps appointments, and has not taken action yet. It could be a long wait!

CS have told our daughter and son-in-law that BM's response to them, or her consent to adoption, is the only thing outstanding.

Our daughter and s-i-l would like things settled, but they are prepared to wait. Their deadline is to have the matter settled before it is time to enroll F for school. As F has only just turned three, they have time in hand.

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ied53
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Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby ied53 » Tue Nov 24, 2015 6:57 am

Good news
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

Celle
Posts: 68
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Celle » Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:49 pm

My daughter and her husband attended Court yesterday, for the preliminary hearing of their application to adopt F. They have had an SGO for her, for 2 years now. She was three at the beginning of November last year.

While they have a lawyer who is on the Children's Panel, he advised that he didn't think it would be necessary for him to attend Court on that occasion, although he would, if required.

To their surprise, my daughter and s-i-l were told by Children's Services that they had appointed a lawyer to represent them, free of charge. CS in the county where they live have been supportive of this application to adopt, and have been much more helpful than CS in the county where the SGO was placed

The judge seemed to think the case is straight forward and has assigned the following next steps and timelines:
·
    Annex A Report to be filed no later than 4pm on 26th January 2016.
    · Cafcass Reporting Officer report to be filed no later than 4pm on 12th February 2016.
    · Final Hearing and Celebration booked for 10am on 11th March 2016.

Fingers crossed everything is presented in a timely manner and all goes well on March 11th!

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Robin D
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Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Robin D » Sat Jan 23, 2016 7:25 pm

Watching with interest. Hope all goes well.
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

Celle
Posts: 68
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:26 pm

Re: SGO or adoption?

Postby Celle » Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:00 pm

Thanks, Robin.

CS adoption officer says that her Annex A report is already completed and will be filed on Monday.

Cafcass officer has to contact birth mother and get her written consent to adoption, on the correct form. Apparently, although BM signed something, supervised by her father, it was not in the correct format. She also requested to attend the Court session, but didn't turn up.

I hope that getting BM's signed consent doesn't hold up matters. She is still on drugs and has a history of failing to keep appointments arranged by CS.


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