Mum seeing kids does it affect me applying 4s/g/o

[divadi2000]

My two Grandkids have been with me a year and I'm about to embark on s/g/o heard through the grapevine today that mum has apparently been into s/service to set up a visiting plan by the way shes not seen the kids since August last year if this is true..will it have any effect on me applying for s/g/o? havent had any calls from s/service to say weather shes been there today or not tho...she went in december but turned up drunk and as far as i know that was the only time she saw social...but shes telling folk shes changed turned over new leaf etc etc... but i think shes still drinking maybe not as much and her latest b/f is on probation apparently on licence..it would hurt all of us if the kids went back to the life and company she keeps as we are so attached to the kids...i think if i do go s/g/o she will contest...opinions much appreciated amyone thanks x

[Auntie Lynsey]

Each situation is different, but in some cases, if you do not allow contact with birth mother, that can count against you. You need to be willing to do what is best for child and a lot of the time, that is to keep the mother/child relationship alive.

Like I said, each case is different, but in mine it was best to seem co-operative with all family interactions. Supporting sibling / parent contact whilst keeping the child safe.

[Nana]

I had this problem when going through the SGO process..SS did listen to the Mother and did reinstate her contact but not to the level she asked for it was also supervised and monitored..Mother was not consistant though and the outcome of it all was that she now has no direct contact and has not seen my g/son since he was 1 year old....I think SS have to be seen to be proactive in allowing contact (they have to exhaust all avenues)but more often than not the parent can not keep it up for whatever reason. She also contested the SGO but her track record and inability to 'work' with proffesionals only served to help with the success of our application.
I agree with ied53 more often than not it is their way to 'prove' they have fought for their children/child........

[divadi2000]

Hi Irene In answer to what you asked Ive had the girls 1 year Mum hasnt seen them since August and Dad hasnt seen them for 16mths I dont have parental rights and s/service mentioned res or s/g/orders but they are not very forthcoming with info..although they are happy the children are with me..basically when i asked them for info there response was 2 print offs from internet regarding these orders..and saying seek legal advice which i have done i think the s/s are trying to make it look like its my choice x quote:Originally posted by ied53

If the social services have decided the children are with you then that is where they will be. It may be that Mum will be granted contact when did she last see them? Turning up drunk is good this will count against her. Mum can contest all she likes she does not have to agree. She may throw a spanner in the works they may decide to assess her to discount her they may say they already have enough info to rule her out. Apparently it makes the parent feel better if they "fight" for the kids and loose they can convince themselves they tried. You may be asked to facilitate contact and supervise it. What she tells folk and what she does are two different things. I would carry on as normal but wait for the ss to say if she has been or not. Are you a foster carer to your grandchildren? Are the soc servs asking you to go for SGO or is it your choice?

Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

[David Roth]

divadi, if the children are under care orders or interim care orders, then it is the local authority's responsibility to make decisins about contact. They should make the decision on the basis of what will be best for the welfare of the child. If the children are under CO or ICO, then the local authority is the right person for the mother to go to about contact.

I would suggest that you contact the social worker to check out whether what you heard 'through the grapevine' is true. If it is, then you can let the social worker know what your thoughts are. After all, the social worker ought to be making decisions about the children's contact in consultation with you, and in consultation with the children as well (according to their age and understanding). If you can get in there quite quickly, while the social worker is still deciding what to do about the mother's request for a contact plan, then you can make sure that your opinions are taken into account.

You could outline your reasons for concern about mother's contact, and your reasons for being sceptical about her 'new leaf' - after all, being drunk at contact in December is still quite recent.

Perhaps you could suggest a cautious approach to contact, if indeed mother is asking for a contact plan. You could suggest that there be no rush to frequent contact, until mother has been able to prove she can stick to arrangements and keep her new leaf turned over. You could suggest safeguards be put in place, to begin with at least, such as a contact supervisor and a safe venue.

It's probably best not to look as though you're dead set against mum's contact, but in the children's interests say that you're only willing to consider regular contact once she has proved herself over a period of time, as it won't be fair to the children if she comes in and out of their lives according to her personal circumstances.

If you can show that you are willing to accept contact, if it is right for the children, then it is more likely that your SGO would not come with a contact order attached.

David R
FRG Policy Adviser