I can,t understand s/s theory

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Millie Muffin
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 11:41 am

I can,t understand s/s theory

Post by Millie Muffin » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:26 am

I have raised my 5yr old g/s for 31/2 yrs of his life due to his mum and dads problems surounding dads drink and drugs and being imprisoned this has led my g/s to spend long periods of time living with me. He has a younger brother whome has stayed living with mum because she felt she could only cope with him and the situations around her. This last time of having my g/s for a year i rang s/s because my g/s was getting so disstresed about going back to his mums they advised seeking a r/o as they felt he needed consistency and stabilitey which i had provided. At our first court hearing i was amazed that they have suggested he stay with his mum because they feel the relationship between him and his brother will decline. The case was ajourned as mum didn,t turn up.But i am at a loss as to what to do as my g/s does not want to be with her which i can understand as he has spent neally all his life with me what on earth ares/s thinking about and why suggest getting a r/o if they arn,t going to back it up s/s only spent a hour and a half talking to my daughter half an hour with me and a few momments with my g/s befor they wrote out there report ican,t see they can make a decision on a family situation it such a short time. anyone out there had the same happen to them i,ll be pleased to here from you.
j chapman

maricharle
Posts: 60
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 3:06 pm

Re: I can,t understand s/s theory

Post by maricharle » Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:13 am

Hi Millie, How does your daughter feel about raising both children and have her circumstances changed to such an extent that you both think she could cope. If the answer to these questions is yes would you be in a position to help your grandson overcome his fears. These are the first questions I would be asking myself.
Not turning up for the hearing suggests to me there may still be problems at home unless she had a very good reason for not attending. As for the relationship between the children have social services considered any other options such as regular contact. The benefits of regular contact could help the children build a strong relationship as they get older.
You are right life changing decisions of this magnitude should not be made in under two hours and your grandson's feelings should be explored further. Although he is to young to make a decision of this kind the adults involved need to consider and be sensitive toward his feelings. Children have rights too.

Millie Muffin
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 11:41 am

Re: I can,t understand s/s theory

Post by Millie Muffin » Tue Jan 11, 2011 7:35 pm

The boys do have a good bond with each other as they see each other everyday and we go out together myself mum and the boys my daughter and myself get on well but its just the bond my g/s has is with me as i have been like his mum since he was about 6mnths old in total my daughter has only had him in her full time care without my assistence for 15mnths. s/s were involved with her for about 2 1/2 yrs and my g/s had spent most of his time in my care and i had to supprvise visits until s/s were happy. intially he was supposed to have a gradual move back to mums but s/s said he could retun home and was taken and then didn,t see me for afortnight or more i was then allowed to see him at weekends. my daughter had to have help with his behaviour because he was biting and being aggresive i felt he was rebeling because he was unhappy she only had him back for 9mnths and then he came back to me for another year. i think her main reasoning for her not wanting me to have the r/o is because she will lose benifits although she has a partner living with her and is in full time work. s/s i feel should look at the length of time he has been in my care as all his child hood so far is at my home but they just don,t seem to have taken that into consideration or the fact that he and his brother are used to living in seperate houses. its not as if me and my daughter dont get on. its just the whole situation seems to have been overlooked all it would meen is i get a bit of p/r which i,ve had but not leagally all these years and claim child allowence for him. as for clothes haircuts drs ect we do alll those things together. it would also stop the stress and upset its causing my g/s
j chapman

Millie Muffin
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 11:41 am

Re: I can,t understand s/s theory

Post by Millie Muffin » Fri Jan 21, 2011 11:48 pm

I,m at a loss as to what to think on my situation with my g/s as s/s are saying his best interest is for him to go back and live with his mum he only was back with her for a couple of months then she rang me saying could i pick him up at 9.30pm one night because he was sobbing his heart out because he wanted to be with me hence i fetched him back to mine and although he has had regular contact with mum and his younger brother he refuses to sleep there. how on earth do i make s/s realise they are ripping this 5yr old apart by trying to make him stay with his mum. i have another court hearing the end of this month how do i make them understand that my g/s bond is with me as i have raised him the best part of his life and sees me as his motherly figure also i do all his providing while she continues to claim benifits for him. i have reported her for doing this hence to no avail nothing has been done. where on earth am i going wrong?
j chapman

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: I can,t understand s/s theory

Post by old bear » Sat Jan 22, 2011 1:14 am

hi muffin,
i'm so sad for grandson and for you, too. do you know why ss have suddenly decided they want to change things? from what you say it doesn't really sound as though your daughter really wants this any more than you do ~ as you say, you've been managing things this way for a long time now. but if you know why they've suddenly come out of the woodwork it might help you to understand their reasoning.
have you phoned the frg advice line? (0808 801 0366, open 10.00 to 3.30 monday to friday) ~ they will probably have things to suggest. also, have you been keeping a diary? if you've got notes of all the times you've had your grandson living with you, and all the times he's been with his mum, and how distressed he's been ~ also how much contact he has with his mum and his brother when he's living with you ~ it should help when it comes to court for you to be able to explain your side of things.
best wishes, and i hope things start to look clearer soon,
old bear

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