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Post by squidgychoddah » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:25 am

This is probably not going to make any sense at all, but am not good with putting things into words so I apologise in advance.......My son was living with his partner and 4 children, he did everything whilst she sat on her backside all day smoking weed amongst other things. He was not allowed to go to work as she needed him at home. It came to a head in October 2007, when he became ill and had to leave. 14 months later on Feb 20th 2009 she gave her children up (temperarily) till she got her house in order as it had become inhabitable. All my family rallied round to help her, we cleaned the house brought new items etc, all she had to do was keep it done and go on a few parenting classes. She never did either and so the children are now still in care. She lied about my son being abusive and violent just so he couldn't have them. She went on to have another child which was also taken away, my sister has her on an SGO because SS didn't really want to have her adopted because of her siblings, I have the eldest on an SGO, 2 of the others are in full time foster care as was the second eldest until SS decided it was ok to put him up for adoption he is 13..His FC's are adopting him and no matter what we do, SS are backing them at every turn. We have had several run ins with FC's one example being that on the day of contact we were told he would not be there as he was ill, so I phoned FC's every hour from the Sat till the Mon to make sure he was ok, they never answered the phone, it turned out they had taken him away for the weekend, and we have not seen him for 2 yrs, and they wont even allow us or his bf to have a recent photo nor do we get the option to say goodbye to him. We have complained on numerous occasions, but they always seem to have an answer for everything...There is alot of other stuff but I'm better at answering questions lol

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David Roth
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Post by David Roth » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:39 am

Hi squidgychoddah and welcome to the Family Rights Group discussion forum.

It sounds as though it will be really important to sort out the relationship with these foster carers. Helping siblings to stay in touch with each other when they can't stay together is really important, and the social workers who are arranging the adoption of the second eldest ought to be considering whether he needs to maintain contact with any of his siblings. However, the fact that the foster carers want to adopt him rather than become his special guardians does sound as though they want a 'clean break' from his family. Of course, for a 13 year old the idea of a 'clean break' can be quite difficult to carry out, as he will remember all his siblings and other family members, and it won't be too long before he can decide for himself who he sees.

It does sound as though they want to block you and the eldest from having any contact with him. Perhaps you could write to or phone the manager of the adoption service to say you are concerned about these siblings losing touch with each other.

Things can become complicated when groups of siblings get split up, and it is really important for the adults who take responsibility for them to try to work together to do what is best for them.
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

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