SGO nightmare

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Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2013 5:50 pm

SGO nightmare

Postby mother78 » Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:32 pm

I have had an SGO for 2 years for my nephew who is 3 He has contact with his mother once a month, which my mother supervises. His father (my brother) is out of the picture. she has gone on to have another child and that child was removed at birth. I know my rights regarding the SGO etc but one thing I am unsure about is what if he decided that he wanted to live with her when he gets to 8-9? She has said that she will take me to court and fight it as she said her solicitor said that my nephew would be able to choose where he lives when he gets to that age. I don't actually believe at 8 he can decide where he wants to live but what happens when he is 14? what happens then?

I am just wondering if the the same rules would still apply if he wanted to live with her? would she have to apply for leave from the court and would she then still have to undergo a parenting assessment? (Its alright for her as she would get her legal aid but I would not as my income would be too high.)

She clearly has not changed at he moment but whose to say what she is going to be like in 4-5 years time? She might have made a significant change by then.

The other child's guardians are letting her have contact with that child whenever she wants it but I have stuck to once a month. Which is obviously causing me no end of problems. As I am the 'bad guy' as I have not budged with this. What is the likelihood she will get more contact if she took me to court because of the extra contact with has with the other child? She also reckons when hes older she is going to tell him she wanted to see him more but I would not let her.

She is still getting into trouble with the law and is still on drugs. What rights do I have to stop contact altogether if she keeps going to prison and has to miss contact because of that? I don't think it's fair to him that one month she will see him then she might not turn up for a couple of months because she is in prison.

I feel like packing up and moving abroad but I am not allowed to do that as I am not allowed to take him out of the country for more than three months at a time :( I could get a good job abroad and I would have done it eventually but cannot now.

I feel a little despondent as I feel that I was at the peak of my career and enjoying having my freedom back as my biological children have grown up and now I am doing it all again! I know she is his mother but how can she think she can just mess with his life, my life and my husbands life by saying she WILL have him back. My view is she should have thought about this when she had an opportunity to sort herself out (she was not on drugs when she had him or until he was about 1) So she really did not have any excuse to behave as she did or to neglect him. It makes me so mad, as she doesn't even ring me to see how he is.

Sorry this is a bit of an angry message, but right now that is how I feel. I have tried to be nice to her but she is full of promises and all she is going to do for him, but nothing ever materialises not that I want anything from her as I really do not. I can't stand the thought that she will let him down time and time again.

Thanks for listening and any advice will be great

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Re: SGO nightmare

Postby ied53 » Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:32 pm

Hunny the SGO is to age 18. The court decided YOU should have the SGO. She would have to proove a total turn round in her life and needs leave of the court to put a case forward. Who in theie right mind would move a happy thriving child from a stable home after years. She can say what she likes doesn't mean it is true.A child of 9 would not be considered old enough to decide. I strongly adivise that you keep a diary of any form of contact and the content of it. The obvious lack of dates for phone calls etc will speak volumes. With the changes in Legal Aid I doubt she would get a solicitor. It is so hard to be positive about someone who doesn't care but uses a child as a weapon. You have the paperwork and the written advice on level of contact. I totally understand your distress. I to watch as children are distressed by false promises , lost a very good career and the opportunity to move abroad then I look at the two kinkids I have and it was all worth it.
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

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Re: SGO nightmare

Postby LLB » Mon Apr 22, 2013 7:08 pm

I have had SGOs for two of my grandchildren since soon after SGOs came out over 13 years ago and yours is such a sad story but one with which I can identify because, believe me, we were the most despised people out who had supposedly stolen our grandchildren. We had not of course, because if we had not had them they were going to be adopted.

These parents were in denial but also hurting because they had lost their children. I witnessed first hand the pain that these parents went through at every visit when they had to leave because despite what they had done they still loved their children. We could not do anything for the hurting parents.

We had to be there for the children and put their welfare first but that did not include and we did not have the right to take away their right to keep a relationship going with their parents however painful for us that was.

I tried my best throughout all of those years to tell my grandchildren that I loved their parents even though our daughter and her husband hated us. We went through hell but we are coming out the other side and there is the other side.

Now we have our eldest grandchild at university and the youngest with learning difficulties in mainstream school.

The wounds that happened in our family are starting to heal. The eldest child now loves his Dad and yet when he came to us he hated his Dad and I had to say to him "Whatever has happened. He is still your Dad"

I felt I had permanently "lost" my daughter but she is coming round. She even told her eldest that she was glad that we had taken them (her children) in and to thank us!

Believe me you can go through hell and come out the other side!!

For an SGO to go back to court I believe that they have to get leave of court and then circumstances have to have changed dramatically.

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