New and sounding off!

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Robin D
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Re: New and sounding off!

Postby Robin D » Mon Mar 18, 2013 12:59 pm

Hi Mandy Lou.

That's not a great surprise given the uncertainties. It's likely to trundle on through the system for some time I'm afraid, but the good news is that the court are unlikely to order a change to the status quo while its being looked at. The drained feeling is also par for the course. You gear yourself up for something and then it all falls flat on its face and nothing happens!

As its being contested, it's probably only fair to let you know that I would expect at least another 3 hearings and possibly many more:
- The report is unlikely to be ready for the first so it will either be adjourned at the last minute, or it will be a five minute hearing to explain to the judge why they are not ready. If it goes ahead on the first or a later date, its a lot of sitting around only to hear reasons why someone couldn't do something. :(
- The next will review the reports and see what other evidence may be required. Only then is it listed for a final hearing.
- The final hearing itself.

Whilst this may seem a bit daunting, it does have its up sides. The longer the child is with you, the more difficult any decision by the court to move them becomes. Also, the professionals involved will, in my experience, try to manage the expectations of all parties and get them to think of the needs and welfare of the child first.

Feel free to ask any questions if you have any. between the regulars we've been through or seen most things! :roll:

The important things are to spend time with the child, and to find ways to regularly recharge your own batteries.

Good luck .... Robin
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

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MandyLou
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:23 am

Re: New and sounding off!

Postby MandyLou » Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:40 pm

Thanks Robin

I'm more positive about the process now I've been able to relax for a few days. I keep having to remind myself that we are in this for the long game and I'd much rather that we got all i's dotted and t's crossed so there is little chance for real comeback later.

Step-daughter has reverted to type. I think there are 4 or 5 lads she has seen in the last week all after the one thing that young lads are always after. She really has a reputation and she seems to think it is a good one!

We will see what happens next... at least we know the social worker is going to supervise any contact going forward. The social worker came to the court to support our 'private legal matter' which helped.

Onwards and upwards. In the meantime, baby is doing great.

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MandyLou
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Re: New and sounding off!

Postby MandyLou » Thu Mar 28, 2013 8:10 am

Well the relationship between us and my step-daughter just gets worse. It is so hard to stand back and just take the abuse and downright lies about us. I know we have to be grown up and calm in this situation but it is so hard when you are faced with someone who uses every opportunity to have a go.
How on earth did we get to here? Everything was great until she realised that she had to go to court. Now it is all our fault.
The case conference said we should apply for residence but she has forgotten that.
The social worker and health visitor say she can't cope, but she has forgotten that too.
She had the police called to her address 4 times Sunday night over the new boyfriend. The same guy who threatened my husband outside the core group meeting last week. Yet she STILL thinks she will be able to have her baby back.
I am sick of fighting her. I am fed up of us being the bad guys in her eyes. And I know it hasn't really started yet.
The worst bit for me is the fact that she now gets to see the baby twice a week (supervised) and it is heart wrenching knowing that he is not in the house. The contact is mainly for the formal assessment of her parenting capacity (as ordered by the court) but even so it is hard for us. The only good thing being that the baby will not remember any of this in years to come. :|

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ied53
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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: New and sounding off!

Postby ied53 » Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:54 am

Hunny they never accept responsibility for their actions. They seem to think if we had not come forward as carers they would automatically get the children back . They do not realize but for us it would be adoption and loose the child completly. The road you are on will have lots of twists and turns but many others have taken this route and got to the end still in one piece !!! I'm afraid it will get a lot worse before it gets better fortuanately the little one will be young enough to come through this relatively unscathed. Believe it or not so will you. Rant away at friends to let the pressure off. The process has to be followed to ensure the court cdon't stop the process cos something wasn't done. Above all keep records they will be your friend in time to come.
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

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MandyLou
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Re: New and sounding off!

Postby MandyLou » Tue May 28, 2013 7:52 am

Birth mother is pregnant again.
No idea how far gone.
No idea who the father is (one of a possible 3 - minimum).
She didn't turn up to core group about the little one who is with us, but apparently she will give the next one up for adoption but wants the first one back!
Her idea of reality is very, very screwed!

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David Roth
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Re: New and sounding off!

Postby David Roth » Mon Jun 03, 2013 3:49 pm

Has anybody asked you yet whether you would consider taking the new baby? It sounds as though birth mother is already aware that she might not be able to keep this child, and social workers must have it in mind.

If you think you would like to be considered, then I would advise you to let the local authority know at an early date. The government's current agenda of promoting adoption, particularly for babies, could mean that family and friends carers could miss out if they don't put themselves forward quickly enough.

If you don't feel that you'd want to be considered, and the child is to be placed for adoption, or with someone else in the family, then you will need to think about contact between your grandson and his new sibling. Again, if this is something you want, it could be worth making the social workers involved aware of your wishes for these siblings.
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

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MandyLou
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Re: New and sounding off!

Postby MandyLou » Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:52 am

Thanks David
We have expressed verbally so far that we would consider taking on the new baby. The social worker has said they will not get involved until birth mother is 20 weeks gone, and at the moment we guess it is about 12 weeks. We go back to court next week for the RO for the grandson who is with us. The section 7 report is very clear that birth mother cannot cope with him. It also shows how different the birth mother's view of her own abilities is to the reality.
My own opinion is that we will be prepared to take the next one as long as the baby is properly placed and there is much less of the to-ing and fro-ing we have had to deal with over the little one. I also want my grandson to be able to grow up with a sibling - not to mention the fact that having had our own plans to start out own family derailed it does give me a little of what I want. I'm step-mother to the birth mother and have no children of my own.
Can the section 7 assessment just done be used to say whether she will cope with the next one, or will there have to be a new assessment?

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David Roth
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Re: New and sounding off!

Postby David Roth » Tue Jun 04, 2013 8:19 am

There would have to be a new assessment, although the new assessment would probably draw on a lot of the information from the one just written. The report recently written might be presented as evidence of past difficulties.

Although children's services can plan for the new baby's arrival, there can't be any court proceedings until the baby has actually been born. A lot of the local authority's evidence for taking out proceedings on a new baby will be based on past experience, and what has happened with other children, but there will need to be a report on the way things are at the present time, which would need to show that the same concerns were still there for the new baby.
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

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MandyLou
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:23 am

Re: New and sounding off!

Postby MandyLou » Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:56 pm

Court on Monday. Please spare us a thought if you can.

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ied53
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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: New and sounding off!

Postby ied53 » Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:16 pm

will be thinking of you :)
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do


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