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In desperate need of help

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:55 pm
by KautoStar13
Hi, it's been a number of months since I last posted on this forum regarding an interim court order for my niece. The court order at that time did not meet the threshold however another interim court order has been applied which does meet the threshold. After dealing with social services for a number of years now, my family and myself have been very concerned lately about the misinterpretation of facts, lack of communication and support and intimidating unessesary language being used, to the extent that I have contacted the Family Rights Group and numerous other advocates to explain our concerns and to seek advice on how to deal with and address these concerns. We were advised the best course of action to take would be to write to the social worker and the team manger/leader with the concerns that we had and to request a reply in writing. We sent letters to all the relevant people yet we received no reply and the only acknowledgement we received were being told they had the letter yet they do not have the time to reply and generally do not write things down.

We now feel we are struggling to get our voice heard, we have mentioned during meetings some of the intimidating language that has been used but it always gets glossed over. It's as though no one is bothered what is said or the manner in which it is said, which has caused us to feel at an absolute loss.

Does anyone have any advice or experience on this matter? I have also contacted my local MP but have not received a reply except to ask my full name and address.

Thank you in advance for any replies.

Re: In desperate need of help

Posted: Wed May 02, 2018 1:31 am
by hatehypocricy
Hi KautoStar13, Im not a "professional" or a social worker, but Im personally in a situation were Im having to deal/adapt with social services n how social workers see/veiw things, Iv constantly been missunderstood/missquoted/missrepresented, I was stupid/niaeve to beleive the "were here to help" line that I genuinely beleived at first, the biggest mistake of my life was taking any help, second biggest mistake was being open n honest wit the kind of ppl who r trained in the art of hypocricy/contradiction/tactical game playing/intimidation/selfrightous ego maniacs! There incapable of rational thinking, they prejudge before they even meet you, they see everything from a negative/suspicious/deceptive way of thinking, they assume they will be lied which leads them to doubt/question everything you tell them, they have one rule for themselves n another rule for others, wen I say I litterally cudnt do rite for doing wrong I mean I cudnt do any right without them finding fault, they expect honesty/openess/communication/trust/willing to work with them, but they dont return the same courtesy, they justify/validate why its ok for them to do the very thing they hav critisised you for, your picked apart n judged by ppl who need to justify there involvement so of course there going to report negatives, its impossible to do anything right in the eyes of ppl who only want to see wrongs, if I got upset then I was reported as having emotional erratic mood swings, if I composed myself I was reported as being in denial/avoiding/emotionally unavailable, everything I did was twisted into negatives, wen I say you cant win wit these ppl I mean you cant win!! Help I was given was thrown bak at me, my honesty was used against me, we need to remember that wer dealing wit ppl who manipulate/intimidate/insinuate for a living, they hav the upper hand at every turn, n wen there holding the ultimate card that trumps every other card ie the power to take your child away from you then you litterally at the mercy of ppl who will absoloutely take full advantage of the fact that they hav/hold a Mothers worst fears over there heads, they threaten/intimidate/bully/lie/misslead/conceal/misstreat/abuse there authority all under the guise of "were here to help" were like novice pawns in there game of chess were it was litterally "checkmate" the scond they introduced themselves n said "hi Im your social worker, Im here to help" my advice to anyone wud be "do not let a wolf in sheeps clothing near you or your children, ul be a sacrificial lamb, butchered hung drawn n quarted n torn apart in the house of knives disguised as social service" here to help? I shud of asked for a full disclosure of wot there interpretation of "help" was!!!!! Lambs to the slaughter!!!!

Re: In desperate need of help

Posted: Wed May 02, 2018 2:09 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear Ihatehypocrisy,

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a terrible time with children services.
I do not know what is happening at the moment and whether they are still in your family’s life.

I would generally advise of the importance to work with children services as they are a statutory agency who are there to support families as well as protect children.

If they are still involved with your family, can I suggest you read our tips for working with a social worker
This links to advice about recording calls, meetings etc. But is also advises about whether to make a complaint.

Best wishes,


Re: In desperate need of help

Posted: Thu May 03, 2018 2:25 am
by hatehypocricy
Hi Suzie, thank you for your reply/advice, yes social services are still involved wit myself n my one n only child, I appreciate your advice but I can honestly say that I dont/wont nor will I ever trust a social worker/social services/LA ever again, I hav worked coperated wit them from the very start of the whole emotional/stressfull/intimidating/heart breaking/mentally draining/life destroying "experience" these ppl came into mine n my childs life n made n formed assumptions/judgements/oppinions n reported there "oppinions" as actual facts without backing there "oppinions" up wit actual evidence/proof!!! No other legal system wud make judgements/sentences without actual evidence proof, I dont understand how they can use buzzwords like "appears to be" r "likely to happen" r "seems to be" n hav those "future predictions" used/taken as 100% absoloute certainty/gaurantee to happen, does social services hav a crystal ball? Do they hav the ability to see into the future? No they dont, so why are they allowed to state there preditions of things that havnt even occurred as negatives/reasons to use against me, I was litterally dumbfounded that they cud use predictions of tgings that havnt even happen/occured against me!!! No other court in the land wud accept "predictions/oppinions" as facts/reasons to sentence someone! For example, lets say someone was found wit a gun in there possession, no court/legal system wud try/convict a person of murder n sentence them to life in prison if the only evidence/proof against them was "assumptions/oppinions/predictions" of wot cud/mite/appear to be, of course the person is in the wrong to hav a gun, but no legal system wud accept "your honour she had a gun on her so in my professional oppinion it seems/appears to me that its significantly likely that she will murder someone so I recommend she be charged wit murder n given a life sentence n sent to prison, its irrelevant that shes not actually commited the offence/murdered anyone n that no such event had even occured yet, she has a gun so in my oppinion shes likely to pull the trigger n kill someone" how can social services use predictions of future occurances that havnt happened against me? Yet ironically wen I tried to use there "crystal ball" technique/future predictions to say "surely the things ur predicting of happening in the future cud also be predicted as not likely to happen?" Such as saying "its likely she will not be able to sustain the positive changes she has made" n being taken as gaurantee/certainty that I wont be able to sustain the positive changes Iv made, but wen I again used there own "crystal ball" analgy/techniques by saying "Iv made/sustained positive changes so wots to say I wont/cant/am likely to continue to sustain the positive changes Iv already made? " Why are they only ever willing to entertain the possibility of only negative preditictions that go in there favour n against me, but consider it ludacris to even think of the idea/chance that Im just as likely to sustain postive changes as I am unlikely to sustain them? A rational/fair way of "predicting" the future shud be 50/50 yes? Equally as likely to happen as unlikely to happen yes? But in the world of social services "rational/reasoning/common sense" thinking doesnt exsist!!!! How can anyome be expected to "work" wit someone they dont trust n who is trying to take there child away from them? How can anyone be expected to sit in a room of "professionals" n hav only there most worse qualities highlighted discussed n then be marked on a scale of 1/10 on how bad a parent you are, then hav to welcome the "ring leader" of the charater assasination group into your home n "work" wit them knowing there ultimate goal is tk take your child away from you? Then hear the ultimate insult disguised as advice "its not personal, I know it must feel personal but its really not personal" REALLY? SARCARSTIC MUCH? HOW MUCH MORE F...ING PERSONAL CAN YE GET THAN TRYING TO TAKE MY CHILD AWAY FROM ME???? Im not nor hav I ever been a synical person, Iv never judged anyone/anything on hearsay r oppinions of others, I treat ppl as I find them n as they treat me, I never beleived the stories that social services r not to be trusted n to keep them from ur home/children at all costs, more fool me, ANY HELP I ASKED FOR/RECEIVED/ACCEPTED was then used against me, the "baby P" case was as tradgic/disgracefull/terrible/heartbreaking as it was devastating, that beautiful young boy was severly let down/failed by social services, but instead of social services learning from the gross neglegence/failures that happened in the "baby P" case there instead using it as an example/career ruining possibility for them!!! No social worker wants a "baby P" happen occur on there watch!!!! In fact the very first thing the social worker said to me after she introduced herself n gave me her name was "Im not a baby P social worker" n the parent assessor I had actually said to me "I cant fault you as a parent, I think ur great, but since the whole baby P case no social worker LA wants to put there name career on the line n BE LEFT HOLDING A HOT POTATOE" how disgracefull to describe/word such a tradgedy/disgracefull/neglectfull/numerous failings on behalf of social services occurance n death of an innocent young boy as "a hot potatoe that no one wants to be left holding" they havnt learned from the "baby P" case, the use it as a career ruining possibility that they must avoid at all cost, yes of course a social worker shud never want another "baby P" case to happen/occur, but not for selfish reasons to protect their "career/case load blemish free" but for the sake of a child n wots best for the child!!! Describing the "baby P" case as "A HOT POTATOE" is beyond deplorable!!! Thank you, hatehypocricy!!!

Re: In desperate need of help

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:15 pm
by KautoStar13
Whilst I agree that in some cases they are there to protect children and help families I do now believe there is an insidious underbelly to this entire system. Our pleas for help as a family has repeatedly fallen on deaf ears (and believe me I have contacted numerous agencies, campaigners, advocates and helplines until I have quite literally gone round in circles) no one seems willing to listen to us. It's almost like people are too afraid to listen to the concerns of families involved with social services, everything is so hush hush. Unfortunately we have lost our battle and we naively assumed that by going to court it would give us a chance to highlight the failings of the social worker and the local authority, how very wrong we were. Even our solicitor who is there to act on our behalf didn't seem concerned with misinformation and clear lack of support we received. As has been mentioned in ihatehypocracy's post everything is opinionated, and even if their opinion is wrong you still have no say, and it's rather worrying that in 'official' documents they can't even get dates right. Criminals on trial for murder are more entitled to a fair trial than families dealing with social services. It takes the biscuit though when the care package they have provided that we informed them repeatedly were not working is now being changed for this little girls foster parents as the local authority now deem it not fit for purpose, it's kind of a slap in the face. But what's the worst thing that will happen, another child goes into the care system and that happens all the time right? Children go into care and are taken away from their families everyday and if they make a mistake they just learn from it (this is what it actually states on the website that is the governing body for social services), there's no disciplinary action or people being struck off as there would be in other professions. There's no fair trial in an open court where evidence from BOTH sides can be heard, there is no evidence per say just subjective opinions. The powers they have to tear families apart are astounding and surely with this great power there should be crystal clear transparency with every single thing that is said and decided upon, a paper trail of information, independent people to sit in on informal 'chats' to protect both parties, but there's not because as we learnt they can't write everything down, it's not done and they don't have time. Yet they can assigned two social workers to one little girl who's teacher has stated there are absolutely no concerns whatsoever. There is no proctection for the family, we're just along for the ride so that targets can be met and jobs can be justified. Before all this happened to our family I too were under the impression that if children are taken away there must be a justifiable reason, no smoke without fire, now I know from experience there is a whole lot of smoke and mirrors without fire. In the meantime little Jonny down the street is being beaten by his father but social services don't get involved because they're a rough low income family who repeatedly slam the door in their face, and little Tina is killed by her adoptive parents who social services vetted and seemed little a good family because they're both professional and have a big house house and they were a better option than her grandparents. This is quite possibly one of the biggest social care failings in our country today and no one seems concerned or alarmed by this, I just don't understand how we've become so desensitised to children being removed from their families and placed with strangers or in the care system. How is this a better option than fighting to keep families together (and trust me when I say no one ever fought for us). It's been documented that children are being removed and placed into the care system where they suffer from systemic abuse, and that becomes harder for families to red flag because eventually the contact gets reduced and they move farther away from the people who love them. Honestly said to me social services aren't like they used to be, they don't steal your children away from you in the night, I would have to politely say they do.