Help ! What should I be called !

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Jellyfish
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Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 6:22 pm

Help ! What should I be called !

Post by Jellyfish » Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:02 pm

My great neice came to us on a sgo last October at aged 18 months . We had a special name but after summer holidays and speech getting so much better , has changed to being called mum lots more , I have older children who she hears them calling me mum , after starting nursery I'm now being called mummy , little one has monthly contact with birth mum , known as mummy , what should I be called, should I try to encourage special name or go with mum , as having to older ones and them using would it be best to use mum

sgz501
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Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:16 pm

Re: Help ! What should I be called !

Post by sgz501 » Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:38 pm

Certainly go with the special name as it is important for the child to grow up with her own identity etc, difficult, we have similar although we are still pre SGO but will always encourage them to call us by our correct names i.e. Uncle and Aunt.

Hop it helps.

Jellyfish
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Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 6:22 pm

Re: Help ! What should I be called !

Post by Jellyfish » Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:31 pm

Thankyou , I do keep referring myself to special name , but it's becoming more so mum and I don't want to correct when I have children that call me mum , since starting nursery there is so much chatter about mum dad mummy daddy , I'm trying to work it all out . Good luck with your sgo

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Help ! What should I be called !

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 01, 2018 11:50 am

Dear Jellyfish

Thank you for your post and I am sorry that you did not receive a response from me although I see that sgz501 posted.

It must be difficult for you when your own children are calling you mum to get your ‘little one’ to say something different. Are you in touch with the birth other so you both discuss the issue and come up with a solution that works for both of you. Perhaps you could be mum and birth mother mummy with her name or vice versa. I think as long as the child is aware of who he/she is and the background if a social worker was involved then I imagine there has been life story work which will help him/her with their identity which is of course very important for the child as her or she grows up.

Do try to find the happy medium so both you and birth mother will be comfortable as or it could cause resentment with the birth mother who might feel you are excluding her from her child’s life. You may need to ask the social worker to assist if it becomes problematic.

You may find it helpful to read our advice sheet Special Guardianship: what does it mean for birth parents? as you have a special guardianship order.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please call our advice line, on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

Jellyfish
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Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 6:22 pm

Re: Help ! What should I be called !

Post by Jellyfish » Fri Oct 05, 2018 9:21 pm

Thankyou , we have no life stories, all though was requested by kinship team , I'm not sure if I should chase this now being a year. I have discussed with b mum about being called mum and she ok , but I do worry a little now little one at nursery it has become mummy , I feel just go with it and when she's older to understand to explain she does have to mummy ? Little one is 2.5 years

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Help ! What should I be called !

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 08, 2018 12:19 pm

Dear Jellyfish

It is really good that you have been sensitive and discussed with the child’s birth mother what she is happy with too.

You should be able to seek advice from the local authority’s Kinship Team about any issues as they arise, if you need to, as they will have come across these dilemmas before and should be able to offer some assistance to special guardians. I think it is a good idea to ask them now too for some guidance or support with life story work as this may be really useful and helpful not only to your great-niece but to the wider family.

With best wishes

Suzie

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