Complex journey
Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:19 am
What a complex journey I am on......and I am wondering whether to just stop!!
I don't want to go back over all of my story but I had gone through the whole assessment process and, at the last minute, the decision was made to leave the child in her current place net due to he being settled and happy ( she had been in the "temporary" placement for the duration of the court case which ended up lasting over 18 months)
I had had contact with the child, which had gone well, though not without issues of anxiety due to the mother telling her she didn't want her to come and live with me!
I have sent Christmas, Easter , birthday presents for all three siblings who are in separate placements and have stayed in touch with CS.
I called this week to ask about sending an Easter gift ( probably money) for each child. The SW said that was fine but then told me that the child I had been going to take care of had not accepted my present at Christmas. She is 8. She had asked her carer who it was from and then refused to open it!!! The SW said anything I send would be offered to the child but kept safe for later if the child didn't want it.
Now I feel like I am contributing to her emotional pain, although I KNOW ( as does the SW) that the child has been damaged by a third party!!!
I know it is my decision, but I wondered if anyone could give me some advice. I am really torn. Will she grow up and develop in time and realise eventually that I actually do care? Will she be better off just left alone? How do I communicate my care for her? I sent a really lovely present that she would have loved but it won't be any use to her if she doesn't get it till she is 18!!!!
I know many of you are on the other side, caring for children who may be on the receiving end of presets etc. My experiences when I met her foster carer was that she didn't facilitate our relationship at all and part of me wonders how she is handling it all. My UPMOST concern is for the child's wellbeing. I know she is happy and settled and maybe that should be enough!!??
Thanks, in advance!
I don't want to go back over all of my story but I had gone through the whole assessment process and, at the last minute, the decision was made to leave the child in her current place net due to he being settled and happy ( she had been in the "temporary" placement for the duration of the court case which ended up lasting over 18 months)
I had had contact with the child, which had gone well, though not without issues of anxiety due to the mother telling her she didn't want her to come and live with me!
I have sent Christmas, Easter , birthday presents for all three siblings who are in separate placements and have stayed in touch with CS.
I called this week to ask about sending an Easter gift ( probably money) for each child. The SW said that was fine but then told me that the child I had been going to take care of had not accepted my present at Christmas. She is 8. She had asked her carer who it was from and then refused to open it!!! The SW said anything I send would be offered to the child but kept safe for later if the child didn't want it.
Now I feel like I am contributing to her emotional pain, although I KNOW ( as does the SW) that the child has been damaged by a third party!!!
I know it is my decision, but I wondered if anyone could give me some advice. I am really torn. Will she grow up and develop in time and realise eventually that I actually do care? Will she be better off just left alone? How do I communicate my care for her? I sent a really lovely present that she would have loved but it won't be any use to her if she doesn't get it till she is 18!!!!
I know many of you are on the other side, caring for children who may be on the receiving end of presets etc. My experiences when I met her foster carer was that she didn't facilitate our relationship at all and part of me wonders how she is handling it all. My UPMOST concern is for the child's wellbeing. I know she is happy and settled and maybe that should be enough!!??
Thanks, in advance!