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Post by xtina » Fri Nov 06, 2015 6:05 pm

i am going firstly to be as brief as possible ...but please dont think i am minimising anything or blaming anyone but ourselves.

my daughter and her partner [together 5 yrs] have had issues with drink/drugs although got themselves relatively clean and things under control ...had a baby in 2013..because of their life style SS were involved ....everything was going well great attachment parenting skills etc etc although not perfect...[always had 24/7 support from us] everything was moving in the right direction g/d was there life and the making of them ... 7 months later SW left new SS arrived [from hell]...her view was from the off because of their past they should not of kept their baby if had been left up to her [d 35 her partner 46] matter what they did she would always find fault ...example threatening them g/d could end up in care complaining when g/d was in pyjamas at 10 30 because there was nothing else she could complain about etc etc ...never giving them any encouragement or praise just negativity....causing stress and anxiety although g/d never suffered and parenting skills always praised and was about to come off child in need list things started going downhill......

daughter became pregnant again ......frightened to tell anyone ...even us...when i found out she was 7 months took her straight away to doctors ...when SW found out it was classed as neglect they were also suspected of drinking/drugs again ...resulting in g/d being put on at risk at the L C A ..........this in brief is how it all started ...they have always had full support from us....

why i desperately need advice

d went into labour in march g/d was with me 22 months old g/s was born d told nurses she had been using substances g/s was took to neonatal ward d and p was constantly at the hospital g/s was put on at risk list eventually having to sign a s20 ...from the time g/s was born g/d had remained with us [nan and grandad] g/s also comming when he left hospital although SW wanted him in care [for adoption] unthinkable

things with d and p went from bad to worse they were not coping without g/d ...a plan was put into place for them to get children back but until then they had to live with us ...but as foster children and we had to be assessed......parents saw g/c on supervised visit partner at centre [as i would not have him in the house] d at my house for two hours three times a day......i was told by the assessor things were very positive and we had passed the assessment with flying colours although we still had to go to panel...

then the unthinkable happened ....hubby took children to park g/s now five months old with daughter i was not in hubby spotted partner claiming he was only watching them play from a distance hubby had a go at him and whatched him leave ...thirty or so minutes later he went to the toilet on the way out of the park ...came out and daughter had gone......he ran about looking sign of them so rushed home expecting her to be there but she was not...i arrived back not much later ...and we both went out looking...[she only lives 100 yards from us] one was at home....we were frantic angry ..thinking she is trying to prove a point as often them saying they were with us voluntary and they could take them back any was a saturday they went about 11 was now 6pm all the time we expected her back anytime hubby was out looking on a bike [checking all the pay/play venues]... then i got a call say they were at a seaside 40 miles away and they would be back soon....they was no way she was going to get away with this but i just wanted g/c back home...

i didnt call police we didnt feel they were in any danger [the bond with g/d and parents is very strong] silly now but i did not want g/d upsetting more than she had to be an just wanted them home before any action was took ... a thing we have had to live with devastatingly everyday

my d was found pushing baby round in pram at midnight to get him to sleep by police caused suspicion when she went into hysterical panic....

we were contacted and told the police they were took out of our care explaining what had happened...we got a call back to say g/s was with ss ...we told them d had took both children and was with partner....they were still not found ...we asked were we could go pick g/s up and told they would find out where he was and local police would be comming to see us....police found g/d with partner on his way to there home arrested him ..then brought g/d to us d still in custody at seaside place....

we were trying to find where we could go to pick up our g/s ...then got a call to say we had to pack some things as they were comming to pick up g/d on a 72 hour protection order devastated devastated in tears still writing this

the SW was as negative with us as with them always after saying everything was well ended by saying there is no guarantee that we will keep them ....and when it went to court for interim order 48 hours later refused to have us party to proceedings luckily we had solicitor who she told we had blown ourselves out of the water ...we had paper work with all the positive stuff we had done every one was on our side but her and wanted to proceed to adoption we were accepted as party to proceedings but because we did not call police our assessment was stopped and classed as negative...[more info can be given if needed]

the out come now being we stepped down as our solicitor said the court would not favour us [it was our third court hearing] and basically we were throwing our money away.....our oldest daughter had stepped in .....and to leave it to her .....this all started august 1st ...g/c moved four times in six weeks g/d receiving bites scratches bruising from one of the placements suffering more harm especially emotionally in care than she has all her life with us and parents...i feel as if through me...... i sent her to hell ..the light at the end of the tunnel...they are going to go live with my daughter on the 4th dec......i can't begin to say how ecstatic i am about this

since this all happened we have had to have supervised visits 1 hour twice a week although very distressing for us especially g/d it is always her that suffers for everything others have done wrong and she is the most loveliest child you could ever have everyone loves her nature g/s is now 8 months old also delightful after all he has been through...he always has a smile and knows us.

we have now been told we must remain on supervised visits our g/c go to my daughters on a friday and have done for the last three weeks but we are not allowed to go ..or ring the plan is also our visits are 1 hour a week....till it is assessed at court in january...i can't stress enough the guilt and heartache we feel it is like grieving ...will we ever be back to being nan and grandad with no restrictions ...we did one thing wrong by not calling the police....a thing we will regret for ever our fault what they have been through......but what are our rights much more punishment do we have to take

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am


Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:38 pm

Dear xtina

Thank you for your further post.

I am so sorry for the difficult positon you find yourself in at the moment regarding your grandchildren.

It is clear that you are feeling extremely upset and guilty about the current situation but I think you can take some comfort from the fact that your grandchildren will remain in the family since your daughter has been positively assessed to have the children.

Unfortunately, although I know you understand that what happened was wrong on your part, the difficulty for you is that Children Services feel your inaction in not contacting the police, put the children at risk so this is the reason that your contact is now been supervised.

Do you know if the plan for the children’s permanent placement is for your daughter to have an order for your granddaughter as well as your grandson? If this is the case, then it may be that in time the family will be able to return to normality with you being grandparents as before. At the moment, as difficult as it is, I suggest that you continue to engage with Children Services and be a cooperative as you can be. They need to know that all family members will put the children/’s needs first.

You have already been advised not to pursue having the children yourself and decided to accept this advice. Please do continue to support your daughter who is due to have the children as much as you can to ensure that a placement with her will happen. The Court has a duty to consider the welfare of the children as its paramount consideration and this is how the final decision for the children’s future will be made at the final hearing.

It is not clear if the children are looked after at the moment under and interim care order but I am sending you information of what the duties Children Services have when a care is in the care system.

As the matter is currently before the court, you could ask for contact to be increased but other than that there is not very much you can do at the moment except wait. Having withdrawn your application to look after your grandchildren are you still party to the court proceedings. If so, you could ask the court to make a decision about contact but if your daughter is going to have the children, this might not be necessary. I have included a copy of our relating to care proceedings advice sheet for your information.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

I hope you will find this information helpful.

Best wishes,


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