So Happy!!!!!!

[Angeleyes]

thankyou Robin, I know it is confusing, and us not knowing how it all works either is what frustrates me, there was some confusion at the final hearing about contact and so parents are having to return to court to sort it, I have told SS from the start they will have to deal with Mum and her level of contact which will be as they suggest. But in regards to my family ie, Dad we also have to make a statement to the court to indicate what level of contact he is to have. But I have done what you suggested and told SS to put it in black and white and to the courts that contact is to be once a month only, but like you say the danger now is Mum taking us to court for birthdays, christmas etc.

[David Roth]

Robin is right, that the making of the Special Guardianship Orders would have imediately extinguished any Care Orders that were in place. If the orders were made at the last hearing (rather than, for example, the court agreeing that they would be made at the end of proceedings), then you and your husband are the boys' special guardians, and you have parental responsibility and the local authority does not. If the boys are still with foster carers, then arguably they are being accommodated on your behalf, so you should still have a say in who they have contact with and how often.

I see that you say you are going back to court for contact to be sorted out. I think it is worth being absolutely clear about what you are going back to court for. Is there any chance that the SGO final order hasn't been made yet? Or is it for contact orders to be considered?

If the court is going to condsider contact orders, you could argue that there is no need for them to be made. If you can show that you are willing for the boys to have contact with their parents and grandparents, but in a way that will meet the needs of the boys and not the adults, then the contact order would be unnecessary.

The potential problem from a contact order is that it can set a particular level of contact in stone, when the needs of the boys for contact is likely to vary as they get older. You, as the boys' full-time carer, are the person who is best placed to judge when the time might be right for them to have more or less contact.

David R
FRG Policy Adviser

[Angeleyes]

I had to wite something down, I really don't know how I feel but since having the children in my care both Mum and Dad are with new partners Mum is pregnant and so is Dad's new partner, words fail me and my heart is breaking for these poor little lamb's who are too young to know what their parents are doing and have done, both parties think it's great news and see this as not being in any way shape or form being harmful to the children, have just held a conversation with Dad's partner about the pregnancy and tried to explain the implications and damage this will cause to the children but all words fall on deaf ears and it hurts me so much to know that these children are up against it in every way, my head is in turmoil already with everything we have been through the last 12 months I don't think I can take much more, I had agreed Dad seeing the children once a week, now I don't know what I am supposed to do, I knew it was never going to be easy, but I never thought it would be this hard

[Kate]

So sorry it's such a hard time Angeleyes. It's impossible to get through to people who are just swept along by the feelings of the moment, and don't want to know about any complications like how the existing children are going to feel about new babies who are going to be living with mum or dad (heaven help these babies)

Taking on the care of children in these circumstances brings more challenges than anyone is ever prepared for - it sounds as if it is all hitting you between the eyes. You're in a safe place here because so many can understand from their own experience, so feel free to let it all out when you need to.

The children will adjust to whatever is happening, with your support - they are in a much better place with you, keep reminding yourself of this.

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