how to communicate

[fatcat]

[Kate]

Thank you, fatcat. I wish we could always just be positive. In reality I don't think we can avoid sometimes using what may be perceived as negative words, but which are just voicing our heartfelt opinions. But quote is a good reminder to think twice when we need to.

[youngagain]

I know how this feels its fantastic, it is also true of positive actions,this week I helped someone who I work with to do something that will change their life in a very positive way at no small cost to me.

It felt as though I was worth something

[Robin D]

Ahhhh ..... but what about the times when its actually more 'positive' to be negative about something? [;)] I've been in the situation where all those around me are very positive about something, and I've been the only voice of caution and have been very much told so. It's not being negative to avoid being caught up in the euphoria of the pack mentality. I totally agree that there is no point in being negative simply to stop others doing something, but equally I refuse to be a lemming just because everyone around me says its the positive thing to jump over that cliff or even because it will make someone else feel good if I say I'm going to do it!

Bringing the discussion closer to home and looking just at 'words', I suspect most of us here always try to present the positive side of the behaviour of the children in our care. However, in my view, it's equally positive to take them to task when they get it wrong yet others will tell you they are 'negative words'. Otherwise how do they ever learn to deal with criticism in the great ugly outside world or yet, learn from their mistakes if they are never told?

So I respectfully both agree and disagree with Professor Buscaglia. [;)] What is needed, as in most things in life is a balance. If that balance leans towards the positive that great, but it no good if the scales tip too dramatically.

Philosophy lesson over! [8D] Please do not take this post seriously. Hopefully its a little thought provoking.

Best wishes ....... Robin

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]

[Kate]

You may be just one person in the world but you are the world to one person. Thank you all for being in my world



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And thank YOU for being in mine, Irene, and thanks to all of you here too [:)][:)]

[Kate]

Robin, your post put into words exactly how I feel, serious or not.

Re dealing with our children's behaviour, our daughter has always had a major problem with misperceiving even the mildest of reminders or reproaches as a personal attack. That made life extremely hard for us all. I remember telling the worker doing the core assessment that out of 1000 positives, our daughter would hone in on just 1 negative, and her response was that it was also her experience. Our daughter managed to convince professionals when g/d was a baby that I was cold, rejecting and over-critical - for a time. It didn't take very long before most realised this wasn't an accurate picture, and they too found that however positive they tried to be, they were also being seen as negative by our daughter whenever they had to challenge her in any way. Sadly she never has changed so far, because she resisted all attempts to persuade her to face up to harsh reality and get help to make changes. Now, we function mainly on the level of keeping things smooth when she visits, for g/d's sake. Which means there is no one now who does challenge her in any way to face up to the issues in her life which have led to where she is.