Books for family and friends carers (not available from Family Rights Group) 

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Review by Dave Roth:

This book was first published in 2000, and at its heart is a story which truly is heartbreaking, although Dave Eggers is overstating his case to call the final product a ‘work of staggering genius’. When he was 22 years old, both Dave Eggers’ parents died, within five weeks of each other, of unrelated cancers. The bereaved group of siblings agreed that Eggers would take on the responsibility for raising his eight year old brother, Christopher, known as Toph. Thus, the book deals with a particular type of family and friends care arrangement which is now the subject of a Family Rights Group project, i.e. children being raised by older siblings. Eggers raises a lot of issues that will probably be familiar to people who have found themselves in this position. How to explain their situation to other people? And why should they keep having to explain? Their difficulties in finding landlords willing to rent accommodation to them. With his brother’s acceptance, Eggers slots into a somewhat immature parental role, often playing together like two kids, spending a lot of time honing advanced Frisbee skills.However, I would give two warnings to anybody thinking of reading this book. Firstly, the strapline for the book says that it is “based on a true story”, not that it is a true story. Dave Eggers has approached this as if he were writing a work of fiction, which means that at times what he writes is not a literal description of events as they happened. Secondly, the book spends a lot of time dealing with other events in Eggers’ life. This book often feels playful. This is partly because that is Eggers’ style of writing, but it is also because these two brothers do have a lot of fun in amongst the heartbreaking events they are forced to live through. The book takes you on a journey, which is ultimately a triumphant one through to Christopher’s teenage years. The telling of the story is not always straightforward but there is a lot of honesty, which makes this book very moving in parts.

Review by Eddie O'Hara:

Independent social worker In the early 1960s Sandy along with his older sister were removed by the ‘welfare’ from their 'Tinker' parents whilst they lived in the Scottish woodlands. The rationale behind their removal was simply that the local authorities in Scotland wanted to clear the countryside of ‘Tinker’ families and put an end to their nomadic and unconventional lifestyle.  After their removal, Sandy and his sister were denied any form of contact with their parents, older siblings and wider family, and were instead simply left to spend the rest of their childhoods being moved between a succession of various abusive foster and children's homes, before  ultimately being separated from each other. Tragically, Sandy’s mother eventually died in the course of her selfless, but still fruitless, life long search around the country trying to locate her two ‘stolen’ children. Sandy provides a timely reminder to all of us working with children who are 'Looked After' just how vulnerable such children and young people are and how devastating and long lasting broken attachments can be. Sandy story demonstrates how the ‘authorities’ can let children and young people down, how some people in power abuse their positions and others simply ignore such abuse, how unsubtle but powerful the grooming process can be and how important family contact is for children in helping them to develop their own sense of identity and self worth, (particularly when they are not placed within a permanent family). Sandy's story demonstrates how frequently professional aspirations of respect for diversity mask a structural agenda to impose dominant family norms and values on families who are not represented in mainstream.  Sandy’s willingness to share his own story not only inspires us to renew our efforts to seek improved outcomes for children, but also reminds us how resilient some children are at overcoming abuse in the ‘looked after system’, and are able to then go onto form meaningful, secure and loving relationship as adults, and ultimately become loving parents themselves.

Review: The book is aimed primarily at family and friends carers who are foster carers, or who are going through the process of approval as foster carers. It provides a very comprehensive guide on all the issues for family and friends foster carers, including their legal situation, the process of assessment and approval, finances and support. It helps carers to think about the complexities of the task they have put themselves forward for, and to think about the consequences for themselves and their families of taking the job on. The language is clear and straightforward, and the appendices, on where to go for help, foster carer competencies, a glossary of term used, and further reading, are informative. The book explains the legal situation in Scotland as well as England and Wales.  

Review: This highly topical book is one of the first studies of grandparenting in the UK. It provides a unique, detailed and often moving view of the roles that grandparents play in divorced families, and how their children and grandchildren respond to them. Its findings will be influential in shaping family policy, law, research and practice.' Geoff Dench, Institute of Community Studies, London, UK.

This is a directory of the organisations that are available to support a parent or carer in the UK. It starts with a calming introduction that reassures the reader that help is only a phone call or a mouse click away. In the second part it categorises the organisations that are available and the different kind of services they provide. Available from Foster Care magazine, phone 01273 693311 (50% discount for foster carers).

Suggested for grandparents with drug abusing children. You might find that you are not alone in your struggle. The book covers not only the devastating effect of drugs on the family; raising a grandchild: fostering and adoption: plus failure by agencies and the law to protect the child.

Review: This is a disturbing book, written by a dedicated and loving mother of a girl whose life is destroyed by drugs. Set in middle class England the format is that of a diary, cataloguing the decline of this intelligent and pretty girl, a decline into hard drugs, prostitution and crime. It is also the story of this very strong mother, who has to stand by and clean up the debris of the girl's life, including three children by three different men, visiting prisons, contacting and befriending addicts and criminals and fighting, in vain, with the social services, drug agencies and adoption agencies, who constantly support the dangerous and criminal lifestyle of this girl. It is a disturbing book but I suspect it would be a lifeline to any other parent or family member who is dealing with a similar dreadful situation.

Review: Angela has completed Crackhead 2 'A New Millennium' which is available for purchasing at your local bookstore. Her next book is Crackhead 3 'Suffer Little Children'.

The Enchanted Library by Karen Andrea

Comments from James – Aged 13:

I think the book was really good as it was aimed at children who get pushed around and don’t live with parents. Reading this has helped me to understand that I am not alone in this. My grandparents told me that I am not the only one this has happened too but I did not believe them. Now I believe them as I have read about another child in the same boat as me although I am better off than some other children.I also liked the book because it was really interesting. I liked the thought of a magic library and it was so good I couldn’t put the book down. I’ve read it twice.   

Comments from Granddad:

As a ‘child’ looking not many years ahead to retirement, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and loved the way it kept the reader puzzled, yet engaged, to the very last page.

The feelings of rejection experienced by Max are so well put over, as was the brash ‘I don’t care anyway’ reaction to every minor piece of criticism or potential rejection. Karen has either experienced children with these difficulties first hand, or has gone out of her way to ‘understand’ what they are feeling.

The text tactfully addresses in a child’s mind the knowledge that no-one is a perfect parent or substitute parent. Grandpa has a reputation that the adults feel he has to hide from Max, but of course Grandpa is the only other person who believes in the magic making him extra special in Max’s eyes. Max recognises his weakness, but ultimately Grandpa overcomes them himself.

Karen has also managed to weave a fascinatingly complex and interesting storyline into a short and easily read book. This is a real bonus as many children in Max’s position will not be good at reading and demonstrate poor focus.

The story is written so well that it deserves to stand up against all other children’s fiction. The ‘magic’ element makes it contemporary subject matter and will be enjoyed I suspect by all children with an interest in magic. It might even lead readers from so called normal families to understand that the likelihood is that someone in their class at school has had a similar background as Max along with his feelings and behaviour. Perhaps it should become set reading in our schools?